Love & Boundaries

I find it fitting on this Valentine's Day to be sharing a message of LOVE.

Compassionately choosing to not eat animals is a lifestyle of love.

Things can get tricky in relationships though at times when we discern how to communicate about our vegan lifestyle. What does that mean for mealtime? And what does that mean for our personal boundaries?

The number one thing in establishing these boundaries is to follow our conscience. If you feel strongly that you cannot financially support a restaurant with your patronage which serves animal products, stay true to that. If you feel strongly that you cannot work for a grocery store that sells animal products, stay true to that.

Different seasons of life come with different levels of agency. When I was a child, I ate whatever was fed to me and did not question it. Now, as an adult, I think much more deeply about things, and I have more freedom to make ethical choices for myself. Also, as an adult, I have taken on more leadership roles. With more knowledge and more authority comes more responsibility. I have more responsibility to live according to what has been revealed to me, and I have more responsibility to lead others in the most loving manner.

So, as we vegans navigate how to live compassionately in a world that is quite backwards right now, we need to set up some boundaries.

Personally, I will not eat any animal products or purchase anything that I know has animal body parts on it. And I will not get vaccines or use makeup with animal (or human) ingredients or that has been tested on any animal. I will not financially support zoos or rodeos or circuses or horse races. And I will freely speak my mind about what the Lord has put on my heart. And I plan to raise a family in a house in which no animal products are consumed.

What are the boundaries you feel called to enforce in your life?

In romantic relationships, boundaries are a huge deal. We need to communicate and respect each other's boundaries as a way of honoring each other. If someone cannot respect your boundaries, then they can take a hike! In any healthy, empathetic relationship, for example, if one person wants to kiss, and one person doesn't, you just don't kiss. It's simple. That person doesn't have to be convinced that it's "wrong" to kiss at whatever stage of the relationship you are in. They just need to respect how you feel and support you in following what you feel is best for you right now. And if they can't accept it, then they can leave.

Our churches are kind of like family relationships. It can be very tricky! Especially when you are a low man on the totem pole.

When you were a baby, you probably drank your mom's milk. In that milk, you actually received from the nutrients that your mother was feeding herself. So, in essence, you were fed what your mom ate. And you drank it via her breastmilk, and you didn't have much personal agency to choose otherwise.

Later in life, you decide to go vegan. Then your mom makes a cheesy beefy lasagna, and you don't want to hurt her feelings, but you want to stay true to your convictions, so you communicate your feelings and needs, and you establish some boundaries with your family.

Then, later, you have your own children, and you choose what you will feed them.

Our churches are unique family environments.

The lower you are on the totem pole of the hierarchy of the Church family, you have less personal agency. The Church has a potluck with animal products. You can choose to go or not. If you go, you can choose what you eat. You can bring vegan food.

But what about when you are leading a youth ministry with a weekly dinner? And you know that eating animal products is of questionable-at-best morality, lead to poor health, contributes to world hunger and poverty, are destructive to the planet, and propagate violence? But your pastor disagrees with you and doesn't want you to say any of this to the youth, and actually wants you to serve animal products at events?

***ALERT: YOU HAVE ENTERED A VEGAN DILEMMA***

This is when you are in a vegan dilemma and you need to establish some boundaries.

What if we could all openly express our feelings and needs and empathize with each other?

Even if someone doesn't yet feel the same conviction about eating animal products, if they can empathize with how you feel, they might be willing to understand that you cannot in good conscience buy animal products for events, for example.

If you have a personal boundary (such as not kissing or having sex - or not serving animal products) and someone knows that, and disrespects that by encroaching on your boundary, that's a violation of your personhood.

Stay true to yourself, for the sake of those without a voice. Communicate your boundaries, in love, as a way to honor yourself and God. And if someone cannot respect your boundaries, shake the dust off your feet, dear ones.

And also keep in mind, "what God has brought together, let man not separate." Pursue unity while staying true to yourself. It's all about love.

Jesus quoted from the Old Testament, "I desire mercy, not sacrifice."

Keep following the Way.

Jesus Declared All Foods Clean

Jesus summoned the crowd again and said to them, "Hear me, all of you, and understand. Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile."
When he got home away from the crowd his disciples questioned him about the parable. He said to them, "Are even you likewise without understanding? Do you not realize that everything that goes into a person from outside cannot defile, since it enters not the heart but the stomach and passes out into the latrine?"
(Thus he declared all foods clean.)
"But what comes out of the man, that is what defiles him. From within the man, from his heart, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly. All these evils come from within and they defile."
~Mark 7:14-23

How could this passage make any sense if we are called to have compassion for animals when we make food choices? 

Did Jesus really just declare all foods clean and tell us to eat whatever we want? That's what I used to think this passage meant. But consider this with me... What if Jesus and His posse were vegan?? [Please keep reading...]

Jesus was talking to a bunch of Pharisees who were caught up in rules and lacked love. They were so caught up in all of these extra rules about what animals they could eat and in what manner to kill and process them. And they have the nerve to call Jesus and his followers out for not washing their hands before they ate. The funny thing is, most disease comes from eating animals, so the vegan crew would have been way less likely to get diseases, even if they didn't wash their hands.
[Aside: Did you know, vegan poop is compostable?]

I'm not declaring that Jesus and his gang were necessarily vegan. I'm just saying, consider how this passage could make even more sense if that were the case...

After the powwow with the Pharisees, the disciples are left wondering, "Wait, Jesus, hold up, I thought we didn't eat animals, and now you are saying that what we put in our mouth doesn't matter?"
And Jesus responds, "No, no, my flock of silly geese, of course what we eat matters. What we put on our plate is one of the biggest ethical decisions we make day-to-day. But it's not because of the food. Look... ok, you can put a whole lot of things in your mouth. What you put in your mouth is not intrinsically good or bad.

Hearts are the important consideration. The act of eating meat is not directly immoral. Unnecessary killing is the part I don't like. And supporting the killing by creating a demand for the meat (by buying it and/or eating it), is continuing to propagate death instead of life.

So all of these Pharisees caught up in all of these rules to try to make something that is evil and ugly (killing innocent creatures) into something clean and acceptable by slapping a bunch of rules on it is the wrong route. So don't even think like that. You are better to be free of all the rules, to consider everything to be clean (because I made all the creatures clean and beautiful), and make decisions based on a heart of compassion and mercy. This is so much simpler! All the complicated kosher rules become moot because compassion will lead you to not kill in the first place. Remember the Word from the Garden? It's still what's best for you....I give you every green plant on the face of the whole earth, and every tree that bears fruit with seed in it - these shall be yours for food (Genesis 1:29).

So, yes, our hearts are better off if we avoid eating animals. But not because of a bunch of rules... Just because of Love. P.S. I love you."

Do you think that's what He meant?

A Message from Abe Lincoln to the Church

Today is Abraham Lincoln's birthday, so I feel it is especially appropriate to put into words what I've been reflecting on lately in regards to slavery and the role of the Church. I've been doing some research recently to learn about what churches were like during the time of slavery in American history, particularly once it became a more contentious issue and people were taking a stand against it. To be honest, what I've found has been a bit discouraging, but I'll let you know why I think understanding the role of the Church during the time of slavery emancipation is also super important and empowering.

If you mention a president from recent history, it's rare to not have someone in earshot who has icky feelings about them, for whatever reason. However, it's hard to find anyone who has a negative thing to say about Abraham Lincoln. But obviously during his time, there were certainly people who didn't like him... his assassinator John Wilke Booth, for example. Good ole' Abe is known as the president who ended slavery of Africans in the United States.

Ending slavery shook up life for a lot of people. Many people had paid many pretty pennies for their human labor, and freeing them would be a financial burden for the "owners." Also, ending slavery was a tough pill for many to swallow, because it essentially recognized that they had been living immorally by owning slaves.

How did the Church respond?

With slavery emancipation, there were people on both sides of the issue in the churches. This includes people who felt financially dependent on the work of slaves. If the Church took a stand against this evil, it would surely mean creating conflict, losing members, and losing tithes $$$. So, in general, churches remained ambivalent, not addressing the issue, though still offering the Eucharist to slaves who sat in the back of the church. Of course, some priests, pastors, and lay people were active individually along the underground railroad, but the Church in general was unwilling to take a stand.

To take a compassionate stand to free the slaves was contentious. And it required trust in God rather than man, because men were going to get mad about this, and only God could offer safety and meet their needs during the huge cultural change.

I love how on the US currency of the penny, next to Abraham Lincoln's head, it says, "IN GOD WE TRUST."

Abraham Lincoln led this country according to what was morally right, when the Church was unwilling to take a stand. Why? Because he trusted in God. Sure, he was ultimately killed, but I'm sure his treasure is much greater in heaven.

What does this mean for the Church today?

Let's remember to take a hint from Abe, to trust in God! The Church can be empowered to lead this world in compassion towards all of God's creatures - if we are willing to put our trust in God and take a stand.

I don't want to look back on this time of history and see the Church being ambivalent for the sake of $$$ and false peace. Rise up, Church! Eyes are being opened to how unnecessary and cruel animal agriculture is. Let's be on the right side of history this time - let's take a stand! Let's really trust in God! Let's truly be the Church and meet the needs of our brothers and sisters while they transition to more compassionate occupations. Let's love! IN GOD WE TRUST.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." 

- Galatians 1:10

Why all church events everywhere should be VEGAN

Many people debate the morality of a vegan diet according to Scripture and stewardship. However, regardless of if you personally deem the vegan lifestyle to be more compassionate or holy or not, there are many reasons why all of the events at every church in the world should be vegan. 

1. Vegan events create an environment that is the most inclusive. Many ethical vegans would feel troubled by the presence of animal products at events. Also, if people are trying to be healthy, they will probably be avoiding animal products, and the presence of animal products may cause temptation for them.

2. In most cases, animal products are the result of unnecessary suffering and death of innocent creatures. Since this is of questionable morality in the Church today, we would be wisest to err on the side of innocence. 

3. Animal products are known to cause disease (nutritionfacts.org), and we don't want events that promote such chronic illness. We want events that promote healing to the holistic person, body + mind + spirit.

4. Many vegans have left the Church today because they felt a lack of compassion towards animals. If we offer vegan events, even if the leaders and participants are not vegan themselves, we can show empathy towards those who have left the church and offer them a "welcome back home."

5. Particularly among young adults, there is a growing population of vegans and vegetarians, so having vegan events would be most welcoming and inclusive for them. If you want a group that grows and that no one will feel excluded, vegan events are the best option. Especially if you want to be open to seekers from other traditional backgrounds, such as Jewish, Hindu, or Muslim - vegan food is the common denominator. Many Hindus feel particularly uncomfortable around dead animals (because of beliefs regarding reincarnation). Most Jews only eat animal products that are kosher. Muslims only eat meat that has been sacrificed in a halal manner. But everyone eats plants :)

6. All of your events can essentially be the same as they would have been - minus the animal suffering! There are vegan versions of every food. If someone just HAS to flip something on a grill, there are vegan hotdogs and hamburgers, etc. So, you can still have all of the events you would have had, as far as the food is concerned. However, if you want events that are open to vegan-minded people, be aware that they probably won't want to go hunting, fishing, or to zoos, rodeos, circuses, etc.

7. Church events can create an environment that is reminiscent of Eden, bringing life, not death, and reminding people of what life was like before sin.

8. Everyone can feel reassured in a vegan environment, vegans and nonvegans alike, because they can know that they have made an environment that welcomes the stranger. 

9. Just how drinking alcohol is not a "sin" but it is arguably unwise as an attribute of church events, so too eating animal products - though currently permissible under canon law (though, I would argue, only if necessary) - is not beneficial for offering the most inclusive environment. However, events without animal products (or alcohol) are the most inclusive.

Some references to keep in mind:

CCC 2418 “It is contrary to human dignity to cause animals to suffer or die needlessly."

1 Cor. 8:12-13:

By sinning against your brothers in this way and wounding their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. 13Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to stumble.

My Journey to the Catholic Church

If you would have asked me two years ago if I would ever be Catholic, if I were being frank with you, I would have said, “Never in a million years would I join such a nonsensical cult. In fact, I feel sorry for people trapped in such outdated, idolatrous religiosity.” That might sound harsh, but that’s what I honestly thought about the ritual-laden, traditionalistic, patriarchal Roman Catholic Church. Only after acknowledging my resolutely anti-Catholic perspective from two years ago could you begin to fathom the immense miracle that was necessary for me to join their ranks. That miracle is what I will be describing in this reflection. Some miracles occur in a moment, but many – as in this case – are a journey over a period time. 

Methodist Roots

I grew up in the United Methodist Church and have had a relationship with God as far back as I can remember. In May of 2001, at the ripe age of 9, I chose to be Baptized, drawing a line in the sand to firmly declare that my Christian faith was my own. My Baptism was a profound spiritual experience for me, and I fondly cherish that memory.

Over the years of participation in the Methodist Church, my knowledge and love of God grew. During middle school and high school, I was an active member of a thriving youth group, and I attended several retreats and mission trips that especially cultivated my spiritual growth. In high school, I began a daily discipline of spending time with the Lord and reading Scripture. By the time I got to college, my faith had taken deep roots, which grew even deeper as I sought out mentorship, attended chapel services, and pursued a minor in the Bible. A few years later, I chose to attend a Methodist seminary in preparation for international church planting. My heart was thoroughly Christian, and I was grateful for the Methodist tradition. 

Enter, Online Dating

Once I had been accepted at the seminary and had plans to quit my corporate job in Indiana, I thought it might be a timely endeavor to open more doors to romantic possibilities, since I intended to enter the mission field in a couple years and thought it might be God’s plan for me to marry before embarking on that journey. So I got on a dating app, looking for fine, Christian men. And of course I found one who lived a mere 7 hours away from me. But I nearly didn’t respond to any of his messages - not because of the distance but because the religious preference on his profile blared a giant red flag in my mind: “Catholic.” I conceded to talking with him because his faith seemed quite sincere. He took his faith so seriously that he had actually spent a year discerning with Franciscan Friars (translation for non-Catholics: he spent a year sleeping on a wooden floor, praying 4 hours per day, begging barefoot for food, trying to decide if he would like to live the rest of his life like that, in celibate service to Jesus Christ). After a couple weeks, I knew that our different beliefs would be a huge hurdle. I was convinced that I needed to convert him to Protestantism or else our relationship would never work out. As we talked more, we determined that it wouldn’t make sense for God to lead us to conflicting understandings of truth because Truth is from God. And He is not characterized by confusion. So we reasoned that if we were both humbly seeking after God, He would lead us to the same Truth. I had so much respect for his reverence for the Lord and his prayerfulness, but Catholicism still didn’t click for me. Though, admittedly, it was starting to make more and more sense in ways that quite humbled me as I researched it and prayed about it. The moments that the Catholic research made sense were intensely emotional and humbling, as it required me to undergo a thorough deconstruction of my faith. This Catholic man and I talked long distance for a month or so, and even met up once, ultimately deciding to just be friends. After we went our separate ways, I was left with a huge identity crisis and a lot of unanswered questions about Catholicism. Despite my confusion and doubts, I was so thankful for God's presence with me on the journey.

Catholic School Girls

That brief relationship was not my first tango with Catholicism. In fact, despite being raised in a Protestant household, I had attended a Catholic high school (because my mom was a math teacher there). I took the religion classes, attended the masses, and even tried out Confession once to see what it was like. However, all of the “Catholic stuff” seemed unnecessary to me. Why complicate the gospel? Why cause division from Protestants by refusing them Communion? Why confess to a priest when you can go directly to God? And why give so much authority to the Pope when we are an equal “priesthood of all believers”? I developed a lot of arguments against the Catholic Church during my time there. And one of the biggest turnoffs for me regarding Catholicism was the apparent superficiality of several of the Catholics around me. If that’s what Catholicism looks like, I reasoned, I was better off elsewhere.

Sola Scriptura

I chose to attend a Baptist-affiliated university for my undergrad, as it was a nearby Bible-centric school with a highly ranked engineering program. They taught a version of Sola Scriptura (“Scripture alone”) that limited women from teaching men from the Bible or preaching. Since my beloved pastor from the Methodist church of my youth was a woman, I took offense at this. “How dare they interpret Scripture in a way that bars women from the pulpit?” From their perspective, however, they would say, “How dare a woman disobey the Word of God by preaching?” But I believed (and still do) that my pastor was called by God to preach. I am so grateful for female preachers and teachers in the church, and I affirm their calling and spiritual giftings. So, the Baptist stance against female preachers was something that consistently irked me. It especially bothered me that sacred Scripture was quoted to support such a position, despite the tradition of female leadership and preaching in the early church that is documented in the New Testament. (I wrote a whole speech on this for a class my freshman year if you would like to hear more.) Looking back, it is ironic to me how various mainline denominations cite the Protestant tenant “Sola Scriptura” to defend contrasting interpretations on this topic of female leadership.

Patriarchy

Because of my strong stance supporting women in ministry, I had significant walls up against the Catholic Church due to this issue as well, since women are not allowed to be ordained as Catholic priests. 

However, when I learned why Catholics only ordain men, I found it was not for the same reasons as Baptists. For Catholics, it has more to do with tradition of the sacrament of holy orders, the maleness of Jesus and the 12 apostles, and the beliefs about role of the priest.

Catholics, unlike Baptists, acknowledge that there are women who are gifted leaders and preachers, and they encourage them in pursuing avenues that utilize those giftings for the benefit of the Church and the world. If you have never heard Sister Miriam James (Twitter: @onegroovynun), get on it! You will be blessed. In fact, there is an entire order – the Dominicans – which focus on teaching and preaching - comprised of men and women, ordained as well as laity, designed to organize people to train and exercise such spiritual gifts. 

When I reflected on the vast differences between men and women, it made sense that God made us for different roles. However, we are equals, and these roles are harmonious. And I believe God desires for us to be free to cultivate all of our spiritual giftings within the Church – for His glory! The Catholic Church is a beautiful home to exercise these gifts.

Women naturally crave the safety and freedom that comes from the protection and leadership of a loving, trustworthy man. That’s why it makes sense that Paul says that men are the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church (Eph. 5:23). The marriage relationship is an example of the spiritual relationship between Christ and the Church. Male priesthood makes sense with this understanding as well. Submission – in the context of a loving, trusting man who is designed to lead – brings harmony and promotes freedom to exercise spiritual giftings under the protection of the male headship.

The teachings of the Catholic Church have brought harmony on the issue of gender roles, in my mind. If you are interested in reading more about the role of women in the Catholic Church, I recommend reading “On the Dignity and Vocation of Women: Mulieris Dignitatem,” by Pope John Paul II.

Mission-Driven

I have felt called to be a missionary for the past seven years. I chose to finish my engineering degree first then work in the corporate world for a few years to pay off college loans and gain experience. When it was finally time to pursue the mission field, I did a lot of research to find a suitable organization to partner with, filled out the lengthy application, completed multiple phone interviews, prepared a psychological assessment, deposited several hundred dollars, and blocked out a week on my calendar to meet with the organization at their headquarters for an orientation. By the time I arrived, I had already gotten to know my new Catholic friend and had too many doubts in my mind about Protestant Christianity to be able to commit to a partnership with the missions organization. 

During the months leading up to my orientation, I had taken a course called Perspectives on the World Christian Movement which helped me understand the history and complexity of worldwide Christianity. The course also prompted me to ponder the best direction forward regarding global missions. One aspect of missions that particularly troubled me was the vast array of divided denominations, all evangelizing in the same areas, causing seekers to question the validity of the objective Truth claims of Christianity. Imagine if you had never heard about Jesus, then you are given ten different options of Christian churches to attend. You wonder, if they are all Christian, why do they need to worship in separate buildings? The more you ask questions, you learn that all ten churches have conflicting interpretations of the Bible, and they are all so passionate about their differing perspectives that they choose to separate themselves from each other. That would probably leave you wondering, how do you know who to believe or what is right? And, if Christianity is the Truth, which one of these options of churches is most aligned with that Truth? And why would God want to bring confusion in this way? The suggestion offered by the Perspectives course, as well as the missions organization I was considering joining, is to provide the Bible in the native languages of the people group being evangelized then pray for an indigenous movement by the Holy Spirit in which a new church rises up with its own biblical interpretation and traditions. Though I have a profound appreciation for diversity in culture and traditions, and I think there is goodness and truth to be gleaned from people everywhere, it seems that this method of “Here’s a Bible, now make a church” leads to even more conflicting interpretations and divided congregations. In fact, over 40,000 denominations have formed since the Protestant Reformation 502 years ago. It seems that churches, like marriages, have a tendency to split apart and start over instead of working through conflict.

Synthesis of Truth

I noticed over time is that there are Light-bearing elements of various denominations all harmoniously existing within Catholicism. And as more people bring their gifts and understandings to the Church, I trust that Catholicism will grow into an even truer complexity of the ultimate good - like a family that has adopted children from diverse backgrounds. Catholicism has a beautiful, unifying synthesis in that way. The Catholic Church is a beautiful choir of sacramental rituals, charismatic prayer services, exorcisms, hymns, contemporary music, missionary evangelism, theological inclusivism, contemplatives, in-the-world-but-not-of-the-world brothers and sisters, clergy, laity, explicit sacredness to celibate as well as married life, and male and female preachers and leaders. And anywhere you go in the world on any day of the week, mass is being offered in a Catholic Church, the same Scripture passages are being spoken, with the same creed and the same prayers to the same God who is understood according to the same tradition. This, I believe, is the universal Church, the Church that Jesus established, which He alluded when He told Peter, “on this rock I will build my church.” 

Abundance of Life

One aspect of Catholicism that I especially appreciate is their firm position in support of life. Jesus and His Church are all about promoting abundant life (John 10:10), and that has particular implications. One aspect of this pro-life stance means we reject the notion that people should have a right to take away the life of their baby while it is in the womb. At the moment of conception, the sperm and egg unite and a unique set of DNA is created, alongside - I believe - a human soul. 

Early into my Catholic journey, I attended a March for Life in Washington, DC. I carpooled with a group of Catholic students from Ball State University who encouraged me in my journey. And I realized that a vast amount of the other marchers were also Catholic. The strong pro-life stance is a doctrine that I highly value about the Roman Catholic Church. And it’s something that I was frustrated about in United Methodism because they do not have a firm stance on the matter. 

Along with the notion of promoting life, the Catholic Church places a high value on purposeful sex, recognizing two purposes for sex: to unite a marriage and to procreate. (For more information on this topic, visit theologyofthebody.net.) Because of those values, we believe that sexual actions not oriented towards those purposes are contrary to God’s will. Thus, the Catholic Churches believes that the sacramental union is meant solely for the context of heterosexual marriage between one man and one woman. Also, for this reason, masturbation is specifically referred to as an “intrinsically and gravely disordered action” in Paragraph 2352 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

Whereas, the United Methodist Book of Discipline does not even allude to masturbation. This lack of clarity and discipleship, I believe, leads people into sin. On a personal level, that has been my experience. I dealt with compulsive sexual behavior for eight years, after being told by youth leaders that the Bible was silent regarding masturbation. However, I believe God bestowed a significant grace on me when I obediently followed Him into a Catholic church in 2018 and found freedom from this sinful bondage.

This life-promoting enlightenment was further confirmation for me that Catholicism was my home.

Gift of Friendship

I’m so grateful that I was not on this journey alone. Shortly after I expressed my interest in Catholicism to my friend Lucas, he introduced me to Kristen, who has become a soul-sister for me and a lifeline on this journey. Kristen is super smart and abundantly gracious. She helped me untangle my toughest questions, as she had been thinking through the same ones for three years before she converted to Catholicism from a Lutheran background. She was a seminary student during her conversion journey as well, and she understood my thirst for answers.

During my time as a residential student at Asbury Seminary in Kentucky, I attended Mary Queen of the Holy Rosary, and I participated in their RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) inquiry group. For 10 months, I brought my questions and concerns to Jeff and Jon Terhune, the fearless, compassionate leaders of the inquiry group, and they wrestled with me through my (often tearful) struggle with Roman Catholicism.

There are numerous other meaningful friendships and interactions which also nurtured me in my journey to Catholicism, and I am grateful for all of them.

Behold Your Mother

Part of Catholicism that was more difficult for me to embrace were the beliefs surrounding Mary. Tim Staples’ book Behold Your Mother helped me come to a place of acceptance of the Marian doctrines from a logical perspective. Tim Staples is a Catholic convert from a Baptist background who has heavily researched the Marian doctrines. After reading his book, I could mentally assent to the doctrines, but I did not yet feel in my heart the urge to jump into Mary’s lap and call her “Mommy.” 

My close connection with Mary didn’t come until a powerful encounter that I had just a few weeks before I joined the Church this Easter. My dad died suddenly this past fall, and I was processing a wave of grief on the six month anniversary of his passing. I took some time to myself to cry and seek the Lord. I prayed silently to God then prayed the Lord’s Prayer. That gave me some comfort, then I felt God telling me that I needed to be mothered. At that moment, I felt the presence of Mary with me, and I had a strong desire to pray the rosary for the first time. I grabbed the rosary beads from my night stand, and as I prayed, I became quite emotional as I felt united with Mary in a profound way. She taught me deep insights that spoke to my soul. I realized that Mary grieved more than any human to ever live, after her son Jesus was killed. If anyone could empathize with my deep sense of loss, it was Mary. I felt so close to her in my grief, and I knew I was not alone in my sorrow.

Purgatory

Before my journey with Catholicism, I thought the doctrine of purgatory was unbiblical rubbish. However, after a bit of research, it made much more sense to me. And I was able to comprehend purgatory even more after my dad died.

My seminary taught John Wesley’s perspective, which says that if a person dies in a state of sin without being entirely sanctified, they most likely go directly to hell.

My Baptist college taught “once saved, always saved,” so if a person sincerely repented and believed at some point in their life, their life will either produce the fruit of that or else they must have never been “saved” to begin with.

However, Catholicism, once again, made the most sense to me. You see, my dad was found dead with a crack pipe. And you know what? He LOVED God. He LOVED people. And he was my best friend. 

During my confusion and grief, a couple days after my dad’s death, God revealed to me a connection between my dad and Moses, assuring me that my dad would be in the presence of God forever. You see, Moses, who disobeyed God and was not permitted to enter the Promised Land, still went to be with God after his death. There is evidence of this because Moses was with Jesus at the Transfiguration. Moses led the Israelites to the Promised Land, though he did not enter it himself. My dad led many recovering addicts to the Promised Land of sobriety, though he did not leave this world in that state himself. Likewise, though my dad disobeyed God, resisting the grace available to liberate him from the chains of addiction, I have a firm hope that he is now with the Lord in heaven. 

The Catholic doctrine of purgatory explains how this can be so. If a believer dies prior to becoming a sinless saint, they must be cleansed of sin, in a process called purgatory, before entering the presence of God (because sin cannot comingle with perfect holiness). Granted, life after death is a bit of a mystery to all of us, even those of us with the Bible and Catechism at our fingertips. But this makes the most sense to me.

Defending the Faith

Last summer, I attended the Defending the Faith Conference at Franciscan University in Steubenville, Ohio. Though I left with about as many questions as I came with, I was grateful for the enlightenment along the way. I heard from thought-provoking apologists such as Trent Horn (and subsequently read his book The Case for Catholicism, which I highly recommend), Scott Hahn (converted Presbyterian seminary professor and author of numerous books including his keynote speech topic: The Fourth Cup). If you’re on the fence about Catholicism, want to learn more, or if you’re Catholic and want to have a deeper understanding of the faith, I highly recommend the Defending the Faith Conference.

During the past year and a half, while I’ve been on this journey with Catholicism, I have painfully felt the divisions in the Body of Christ, especially between Protestants and Catholics. God has burdened my heart with a passion to cultivate peace. I am learning that true unity is not merely an empathetic toleration of the “other.” That’s a starting point. But we achieve true unity only after leaning into conflict, embracing difficult conversations, compassionately expressing and listening, until we arrive at the same Truth. Jesus prayed that we may be perfectly one as He is One with the Father (John 17:22). The kind of unity that Jesus has with the Father is our goal for Christian unity (and world peace in general). That kind of unity means that we communicate, we work together, we unconditionally love one another, and we encourage each other in the Truth. Uniting on that Truth is a paramount aspect of peacemaking. We need to ramp up our empathetic communication skills in order to have those difficult conversations successfully because there are heightened emotions tied to our beliefs. I am excited to see how God uses this vision and passion for unity as I follow the call to be a peacemaker.

Attending a Methodist Seminary has offered me various opportunities to exercise peacemaking, especially in my interactions with a respected professor who left Roman Catholicism as a young man. In his journey back to the Christian faith, he entered through the doors of United Methodism after reading sermons from John Wesley. I took three classes with him at Asbury (Theology of John Wesley, Church History, and Reformation). After reading his interpretation of Roman Catholicism in his book Roman But Not Catholic, I also met with him several times outside of class for passionate debates, always ending our time together in prayer for each other and for the Body of Christ. I hope that mutually respectful discussions focused on discerning truth come to characterize Christianity, as I believe that is pivotal on this pathway to peace.

Plant-based faith

Another passion of mine is veganism. When I began my journey to the Catholic Church, I had already been vegan two years, eating only plants. Then, halfway through my journey to becoming Catholic, I began working for a Christian vegan organization, and I grew more in my compassion for animals and my awareness of the ongoing atrocities in animal farming. Over time, as my vegan lifestyle has become more and more motivated by ethical reasons regarding our care and treatment of animals, I began to wonder why the Church was not more actively engaged in animal rights advocacy. In contrast, most Catholics I know are quite animal-heavy in their diet, even considering fish meals on Lenten Fridays as a fast from animal meat. I wondered what the official teachings of the Catholic Church had to say on the matter, from a doctrinal perspective. Searching through the Catechism, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the Church has teachings that correspond with this burden on my heart. Paragraph 2418 of the Catechism states, “It is contrary to human dignity to cause animals to suffer or die needlessly.” 

So, the Catechism directs against consuming animals and animal products if we do not NEED to do so. And science continues to confirm that eating animal meat, dairy, and eggs is, in fact, unnecessary – not to mention harmful to the health of our bodies as well as the planet. 

Realizing that the Catholic teachings actually support the vegan lifestyle has encouraged me more in my faith. I recognize that the Church is continuously undergoing reform, as we all are in our lives, as the Holy Spirit sanctifies us. I believe that promoting the welfare of animals is yet another way that the Church can live out our pro-life identity, bringing an end to the harm and unnecessary killing of the creatures God gave us to care for. The implications from the Catechism seem quite clear to me, and I pray that it is just a matter of (short) time before the Church realigns with God’s plant-based vision for us from the beginning when He said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food” (Genesis 1:29). When we pray in the Lord’s Prayer, “thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven,” we are praying for death to come to an end, including the death of animals. Thus, I choose to promote the welfare of all of God’s creatures, and I feel supported by the Church in this endeavor.

Eat my flesh

The flesh I do consume these days, however, is that of our Lord in the Eucharist (literally, “Thanksgiving”). And MAN OH MAN I am so thankful. It fills me with so much joy; I cannot explain it. There is nothing like it. The Sacraments have been tremendous gifts to me. After over a year waiting to be Confirmed and receive my First Communion, He did not disappoint. And the Eucharist has brought me even more joy and life since then. I can only hope the Sacrament of Marriage has a sliver of the amount of satisfaction I get from the Eucharist if I get married someday. Confession is a powerful Sacrament as well, and I am grateful for how it has deepened my vulnerability with the Lord. But I imagine that my favorite Sacrament will always be the Eucharist. You are what you eat, they say. May we become like Jesus as He literally lives in us and our cells become Him. 

Miraculous journey

These are just a few snippets of the miraculous journey that has led me to the Catholic Church. This journey is a continuation as well as a beginning. The Lord has been at work in me all of my life (and yours too, I trust). Joining the Church has been a tremendous blessing, and I hope to never take His abundant grace for granted. This has been a long time in the making – though, in another sense, I know this is just the start of my journey. I have an exciting adventure towards holiness ahead of me! The Church is on its own journey as well, a Bride preparing for her Groom. I look forward to the day when the Body of Christ is unified and our relationship with God's Creation is restored to an even more glorious version than pre-Fall Genesis depicted. In the meantime, I will pursue knowing His heart more deeply, and I will invite others to join me in the journey. For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are His, now and forever. 

You Are Not Your Own

Today I found my socks sitting on someone else's boots. These are not just any socks. These are socks that I specifically made a trip to Target for to replace my trusty boot socks that got holes in them soon after my arrival in Hawaii. They are an expensive pair of high quality, comfy, gray, breathable, mid-calf boot socks. I was so happy to get then, especially since I don't have a car, so trips to Target are hard to come by.
Now, here at the Kanekiki community, we do communal laundry. After the laundry is done, the loads - filled with a mixture of many people's belongings - are folded and placed in an "unclaimed laundry" bin, labeled as such in order to beckon the rightful owners to claim what belongs to them.
A few weeks ago, after putting in all the effort and $20 to intentionally get to Target and buy these socks, they went missing after their first wash.
And now they have finally reappeared... atop someone else's boots. It turns out, that "someone" misunderstood the meaning of the "unclaimed laundry" bin, thinking it was a free-for-all bin and that, just because they hadn't yet been claimed, there was no rightful owner to the socks, so she could take them and call them hers.
I just woke up in the middle of the night with an epiphany: So many people have this same misunderstanding about sex! Just because someone is single and "unclaimed" doesn't mean they are up for grabs to anyone. There is someone that belongs with them (ultimately God, but probably also an earthly spouse). Sex is not meant to be a free-for-all bin. If you are "unclaimed" AKA unmarried right now, it doesn't mean just anyone has the right to swoop you up from the bin. Your sexual intimacy, if God intends for you to unleash it, is meant for your spouse.
Don't go snagging people out of the "unclaimed" bin and taking sacred things that belong to someone else.
And if you are "unclaimed," save yourself for the person you rightfully belong with, not just anyone who wants you.
And if you think you're ready for sex, but you aren't ready for the naming and claiming of a marital commitment, check yourself. Don't take what belongs to someone else. And don't consent to something you don't have the authority to give away.
You are the dearly beloved of the Most High... Don't sell yourself short. Wait for the one who belongs with you, searches for you, prioritizes you, respects you, sacrifices for you, intentionally chooses you, pursues you, waits for you, commits to you, cares for you, and loves you with a love that reflects the One who loves you most. And don't let anyone else claim you. You are sacred. Your body is a sacred temple. Sex is sacred - a physical representation of a spiritual covenant.
Sex is like a fire. If you let it run wild, it will burn your house down. But within the fireplace it belongs in, it can be beautiful and purposeful.
The wait is worth it. Stand firm.

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is I  you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." - 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Daddy Diary - February 13, 2019

I just woke up. It’s 3AM. I had a dream that didn’t make sense, to the point that it woke me up. I dreamt that the whole time I’ve been in Hawaii I hadn’t talked to my dad and that I couldn’t remember the last time I talked to him, and neither could my sisters, and it felt so horribly off that it woke me up. Then it took me a minute of panicky pondering “Why in the world have I not talked to my best friend?!” to remember that he is actually dead. And for a moment, that reality felt even more wrong. Then immediately I was grateful that life kind of made sense again and that I had a good excuse for not talking to him for 5 months. Then I immediately felt guilty for being grateful that my dad was dead. It still feels so wrong that he’s not here (but in some ways he is here, and I feel that) that I’ve been sobbing and dripping snot the whole time I’ve been writing this.

Essentially, I dreamt that my dad wasn’t dead. And I woke up and he was, and it stunned me and made me sad. I will share with you more about the dream, but first, I will share this interlude:

I just took a break to pee outside by an orange tree (I’m living off grid in Hawaii, in case you weren’t aware of that). On the ground, by the light of my headlamp, I found an orange that looked fresh and new and promising, and I turned it over, revealing that it had been attacked by bugs and was obviously decomposing. That’s kind of what I felt like waking up from this dream: hopeful then sad. But worse. Because my dad – my best friend – is dead.

This is what happened.

I had a dream that I published a book, and it sold really well because I was the only author with my name, so everyone remembered it. (It’s a dream, don’t question it. Also, ironically, I’m named after my dad Jonathan, who has one of the most common names, and mine has been forgotten more than the average because it is more unique: Jonnah.) Then my dream shifted to what my dad has been doing. I dreamt that he had published a book too. I don’t know what mine was about, but his was about machine tolerances and had published several editions, and I was SOOO proud of him – though I wished he would also publish a book about his addiction recovery. And I dreamt that he was a travelling speaker, going to St. Ursula Academy in Cincinnati, OH (where I went to high school) among other places, to speak about machining. And I was so incredibly proud, yet I was also wondering how he was doing in his sobriety and if the reason for him not to be travelling around talking about addiction was because he wasn’t doing well in that regard? Though I mostly determined that his recent successes wouldn’t be possible if he was letting his shadow side win.

As I write this, I’m reminded that there’s no addiction in heaven, and that brings me joy.

So then in the dream, I felt the need to connect with him, wanting so badly to tell him I was so proud of him and that I loved him. And I talked to my sisters, and they didn’t know anything about his recent accomplishments, and it felt wrong to me that I was the one to tell them this news… Why hadn’t we heard it from him? Why hadn’t we talked to him in so long that we didn’t know where he was or what he was doing?

I HAD to talk to my dad, but I had no way to communicate with him, and it felt so wrong. Had I talked to him since I had been in Hawaii? I couldn’t remember doing so. Wait, how long have I been in Hawaii? And why haven’t I talked to my best friend? And when was the last time we talked? I couldn’t remember. And it felt so incomputable that I woke up from the dream, as if my brain wasn’t able to stay in the matrix because the story didn’t make sense. So I woke up, only to realize that my dad was dead, which pierced my heart like a sword.

Then for a while, I laid there, crying and pondering the dream, and wanting to be with my dad so badly. I had to tell him I was proud of him and I loved him! And then he came to me in a sense, reminding me he is still with me, and gave me a comforting big bear hug. And I continued pondering the dream and started writing this.

Why did I think he needed to hear so badly that I was proud of him? I knew that, for much of his adult life, he dealt with insecurity about his job, that he didn’t go to college and worked a blue collar position pressing buttons for 35 years. He had expressed to my sisters and me that he didn’t feel like he was who he wanted to be: someone we could be proud of. I had told him that was a huge lie and that I was super proud of him and that I didn’t care what job he had – he was my dad, and that’s all that mattered to me!

(Now I’m wondering if he’s currently tolerancing the heavenly mansion, instructing the newcomers, and writing books about machining. Do they do that in heaven?)

So why did I feel the deep need to tell him I was proud of him and that I loved him? You know, he was always good at telling us that he was so proud of us (me and my sisters) and that he loved us. And it’s interesting to me that the ways we express love are typically the same modes we need to receive in order to feel loved as well, which made me think that he needed to hear: “I’m proud of you and I love you.”

I trust that God is making all things right. I get the sense that machining (or whatever form that takes in heaven) now brings my dad immense joy, and that everything in his reality brings him joy. And all of his speaking skills he developed from giving “leads” at AA meetings are being put to good use. And all of his writing skills are being used for the kingdom in some way too, though he’s not here to write letters to my sisters and I anymore, like he used to.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I remember getting a long love letter from my dad one Valentine’s Day, along with a box of chocolates, communicating to me the abundance of love from my parents and the even greater love flowing from my heavenly Father. It is agape love – unconditional and permeating, a love that fills all the gaps in my heart and quenches all of my thirsts for codependent attention from men, for butter pecan ice cream, and for slothful mornings in front of the T.V. It’s a love that invigorates my soul, empowering me to provide the healing that those around me are just as desperate for.

My new friend Lila from our Kanekiki fruit farm community in Hawaii just drove away to fly back to North Carolina to be with her mom during the last few months of her pregnancy. Reminded of the love I’ve received, I passed some onto her before she left. “I love you! I’m proud of you! You are going to do great!”

Today, though I miss my Dad’s presence, I’m grateful that he’s still with me in a different way and that my Heavenly Daddy is too. And so is all the love.

Daddy, I love you and I’m so proud of you! Thank you for your love. And thank you for pointing me to the ultimate source of love: our Heavenly Father. May this love be on earth as it is in heaven. Amen