Love & Boundaries

I find it fitting on this Valentine's Day to be sharing a message of LOVE.

Compassionately choosing to not eat animals is a lifestyle of love.

Things can get tricky in relationships though at times when we discern how to communicate about our vegan lifestyle. What does that mean for mealtime? And what does that mean for our personal boundaries?

The number one thing in establishing these boundaries is to follow our conscience. If you feel strongly that you cannot financially support a restaurant with your patronage which serves animal products, stay true to that. If you feel strongly that you cannot work for a grocery store that sells animal products, stay true to that.

Different seasons of life come with different levels of agency. When I was a child, I ate whatever was fed to me and did not question it. Now, as an adult, I think much more deeply about things, and I have more freedom to make ethical choices for myself. Also, as an adult, I have taken on more leadership roles. With more knowledge and more authority comes more responsibility. I have more responsibility to live according to what has been revealed to me, and I have more responsibility to lead others in the most loving manner.

So, as we vegans navigate how to live compassionately in a world that is quite backwards right now, we need to set up some boundaries.

Personally, I will not eat any animal products or purchase anything that I know has animal body parts on it. And I will not get vaccines or use makeup with animal (or human) ingredients or that has been tested on any animal. I will not financially support zoos or rodeos or circuses or horse races. And I will freely speak my mind about what the Lord has put on my heart. And I plan to raise a family in a house in which no animal products are consumed.

What are the boundaries you feel called to enforce in your life?

In romantic relationships, boundaries are a huge deal. We need to communicate and respect each other's boundaries as a way of honoring each other. If someone cannot respect your boundaries, then they can take a hike! In any healthy, empathetic relationship, for example, if one person wants to kiss, and one person doesn't, you just don't kiss. It's simple. That person doesn't have to be convinced that it's "wrong" to kiss at whatever stage of the relationship you are in. They just need to respect how you feel and support you in following what you feel is best for you right now. And if they can't accept it, then they can leave.

Our churches are kind of like family relationships. It can be very tricky! Especially when you are a low man on the totem pole.

When you were a baby, you probably drank your mom's milk. In that milk, you actually received from the nutrients that your mother was feeding herself. So, in essence, you were fed what your mom ate. And you drank it via her breastmilk, and you didn't have much personal agency to choose otherwise.

Later in life, you decide to go vegan. Then your mom makes a cheesy beefy lasagna, and you don't want to hurt her feelings, but you want to stay true to your convictions, so you communicate your feelings and needs, and you establish some boundaries with your family.

Then, later, you have your own children, and you choose what you will feed them.

Our churches are unique family environments.

The lower you are on the totem pole of the hierarchy of the Church family, you have less personal agency. The Church has a potluck with animal products. You can choose to go or not. If you go, you can choose what you eat. You can bring vegan food.

But what about when you are leading a youth ministry with a weekly dinner? And you know that eating animal products is of questionable-at-best morality, lead to poor health, contributes to world hunger and poverty, are destructive to the planet, and propagate violence? But your pastor disagrees with you and doesn't want you to say any of this to the youth, and actually wants you to serve animal products at events?

***ALERT: YOU HAVE ENTERED A VEGAN DILEMMA***

This is when you are in a vegan dilemma and you need to establish some boundaries.

What if we could all openly express our feelings and needs and empathize with each other?

Even if someone doesn't yet feel the same conviction about eating animal products, if they can empathize with how you feel, they might be willing to understand that you cannot in good conscience buy animal products for events, for example.

If you have a personal boundary (such as not kissing or having sex - or not serving animal products) and someone knows that, and disrespects that by encroaching on your boundary, that's a violation of your personhood.

Stay true to yourself, for the sake of those without a voice. Communicate your boundaries, in love, as a way to honor yourself and God. And if someone cannot respect your boundaries, shake the dust off your feet, dear ones.

And also keep in mind, "what God has brought together, let man not separate." Pursue unity while staying true to yourself. It's all about love.

Jesus quoted from the Old Testament, "I desire mercy, not sacrifice."

Keep following the Way.