If you would have asked me two years ago if I would ever be
Catholic, if I were being frank with you, I would have said, “Never in a
million years would I join such a nonsensical cult. In fact, I feel sorry for
people trapped in such outdated, idolatrous religiosity.” That might sound
harsh, but that’s what I honestly thought about the ritual-laden, traditionalistic,
patriarchal Roman Catholic Church. Only after acknowledging my resolutely
anti-Catholic perspective from two years ago could you begin to fathom the
immense miracle that was necessary for me to join their ranks. That miracle is
what I will be describing in this reflection. Some miracles occur in a moment,
but many – as in this case – are a journey over a period time.
Methodist Roots
I grew up in the United Methodist Church and have had a
relationship with God as far back as I can remember. In May of 2001, at the ripe
age of 9, I chose to be Baptized, drawing a line in the sand to firmly declare
that my Christian faith was my own. My Baptism was a profound spiritual
experience for me, and I fondly cherish that memory.
Over the years of participation in the Methodist Church, my
knowledge and love of God grew. During middle school and high school, I was an
active member of a thriving youth group, and I attended several retreats and
mission trips that especially cultivated my spiritual growth. In high school, I
began a daily discipline of spending time with the Lord and reading Scripture.
By the time I got to college, my faith had taken deep roots, which grew even
deeper as I sought out mentorship, attended chapel services, and pursued a minor in the Bible. A few years later, I chose to attend a Methodist seminary in preparation
for international church planting. My heart was thoroughly Christian, and I was
grateful for the Methodist tradition.
Enter, Online Dating
Once I had been accepted at the seminary and had plans to
quit my corporate job in Indiana, I thought it might be a timely endeavor to open
more doors to romantic possibilities, since I intended to enter the mission field
in a couple years and thought it might be God’s plan for me to marry before
embarking on that journey. So I got on a dating app, looking for fine,
Christian men. And of course I found one who lived a mere 7 hours away from
me. But I nearly didn’t respond to any of his messages - not because of the distance but because the religious
preference on his profile blared a giant red flag in my mind: “Catholic.” I
conceded to talking with him because his faith seemed quite sincere. He took
his faith so seriously that he had actually spent a year discerning with Franciscan
Friars (translation for non-Catholics: he spent a year sleeping on a wooden
floor, praying 4 hours per day, begging barefoot for food, trying to decide if
he would like to live the rest of his life like that, in celibate service to Jesus
Christ). After a couple weeks, I knew that our different beliefs would be a
huge hurdle. I was convinced that I needed to convert him to Protestantism or
else our relationship would never work out. As we talked more, we determined that it wouldn’t
make sense for God to lead us to conflicting understandings of truth because Truth is from God. And He is not characterized by confusion.
So we reasoned that if we were both humbly seeking after God, He would lead us
to the same Truth. I had so much respect for his reverence for the Lord and his
prayerfulness, but Catholicism still didn’t click for me. Though, admittedly,
it was starting to make more and more sense in ways that quite humbled me as I researched
it and prayed about it. The moments that the Catholic research made sense were intensely emotional and humbling, as it required me to undergo a thorough
deconstruction of my faith. This Catholic man and I talked long distance for a month or so, and even
met up once, ultimately deciding to just be friends. After we went our separate
ways, I was left with a huge identity crisis and a lot of unanswered questions
about Catholicism. Despite my confusion and doubts, I was so thankful for God's presence with me on the journey.
Catholic School Girls
That brief relationship was not my first tango with Catholicism. In
fact, despite being raised in a Protestant household, I had attended a Catholic
high school (because my mom was a math teacher there). I took the religion classes, attended the masses, and even tried
out Confession once to see what it was like. However, all of the “Catholic
stuff” seemed unnecessary to me. Why complicate the gospel? Why cause division from
Protestants by refusing them Communion? Why confess to a priest when you can go
directly to God? And why give so much authority to the Pope when we are an
equal “priesthood of all believers”? I developed a lot of arguments against the
Catholic Church during my time there. And one of the biggest turnoffs for me
regarding Catholicism was the apparent superficiality of several of the Catholics around me. If that’s what Catholicism looks like, I reasoned, I was better
off elsewhere.
Sola Scriptura
I chose to attend a Baptist-affiliated university for my
undergrad, as it was a nearby Bible-centric school with a highly ranked
engineering program. They taught a version of Sola Scriptura (“Scripture alone”)
that limited women from teaching men from the Bible or preaching. Since my beloved
pastor from the Methodist church of my youth was a woman, I took offense at
this. “How dare they interpret Scripture in a way that bars women from the
pulpit?” From their perspective, however, they would say, “How dare a woman disobey
the Word of God by preaching?” But I believed (and still do) that my pastor was
called by God to preach. I am so grateful for female preachers and teachers in
the church, and I affirm their calling and spiritual giftings. So, the Baptist stance
against female preachers was something that consistently irked me. It
especially bothered me that sacred Scripture was quoted to support such a
position, despite the tradition of female leadership and preaching in the early
church that is documented in the New Testament. (I wrote a whole speech on this
for a class my freshman year if you would like to hear more.) Looking back, it
is ironic to me how various mainline denominations cite the Protestant tenant “Sola
Scriptura” to defend contrasting interpretations on this topic of female
leadership.
Patriarchy
Because of my strong stance supporting women in ministry, I
had significant walls up against the Catholic Church due to this issue as well,
since women are not allowed to be ordained as Catholic priests.
However, when I learned why Catholics only ordain men, I
found it was not for the same reasons as Baptists. For Catholics, it has more to do with
tradition of the sacrament of holy orders, the maleness of Jesus and the 12
apostles, and the beliefs about role of the priest.
Catholics, unlike Baptists, acknowledge that there are women
who are gifted leaders and preachers, and they encourage them in pursuing
avenues that utilize those giftings for the benefit of the Church and the world.
If you have never heard Sister Miriam James (Twitter: @onegroovynun), get on
it! You will be blessed. In fact, there is an entire order – the Dominicans – which
focus on teaching and preaching - comprised of men and women, ordained as well as laity,
designed to organize people to train and exercise such spiritual gifts.
When I reflected on the vast differences between men and
women, it made sense that God made us for different roles. However, we are
equals, and these roles are harmonious. And I believe God desires for us to be
free to cultivate all of our spiritual giftings within the Church – for His
glory! The Catholic Church is a beautiful home to exercise these gifts.
Women naturally crave the safety and freedom that comes from
the protection and leadership of a loving, trustworthy man. That’s why it makes
sense that Paul says that men are the head of the wife, as Christ is the head
of the Church (Eph. 5:23). The marriage relationship is an example of the
spiritual relationship between Christ and the Church. Male priesthood makes
sense with this understanding as well. Submission – in the context of a loving,
trusting man who is designed to lead – brings harmony and promotes freedom to
exercise spiritual giftings under the protection of the male headship.
The teachings of the Catholic Church have brought harmony on
the issue of gender roles, in my mind. If you are interested in reading more about
the role of women in the Catholic Church, I recommend reading “On the Dignity
and Vocation of Women: Mulieris Dignitatem,” by Pope John Paul II.
Mission-Driven
I have felt called to be a missionary for the past seven
years. I chose to finish my engineering degree first then work in the corporate
world for a few years to pay off college loans and gain experience. When it
was finally time to pursue the mission field, I did a lot of research to find a
suitable organization to partner with, filled out the lengthy application,
completed multiple phone interviews, prepared a psychological assessment, deposited
several hundred dollars, and blocked out a week on my calendar to meet with the
organization at their headquarters for an orientation. By the time I arrived, I
had already gotten to know my new Catholic friend and had too many doubts in my
mind about Protestant Christianity to be able to commit to a partnership with the missions organization.
During the months leading up to my orientation, I had taken
a course called Perspectives on the World
Christian Movement which helped me understand the history and complexity of
worldwide Christianity. The course also prompted me to ponder the best direction
forward regarding global missions. One aspect of missions that particularly
troubled me was the vast array of divided denominations, all evangelizing in
the same areas, causing seekers to question the validity of the objective Truth
claims of Christianity. Imagine if you had never heard about Jesus, then you
are given ten different options of Christian churches to attend. You wonder, if
they are all Christian, why do they need to worship in separate buildings? The
more you ask questions, you learn that all ten churches have conflicting interpretations
of the Bible, and they are all so passionate about their differing perspectives
that they choose to separate themselves from each other. That would probably leave
you wondering, how do you know who to believe or what is right? And, if Christianity
is the Truth, which one of these options of churches is most aligned with that
Truth? And why would God want to bring confusion in this way? The suggestion offered
by the Perspectives course, as well
as the missions organization I was considering joining, is to provide the Bible in the native languages of the people group
being evangelized then pray for an indigenous movement by the Holy Spirit in which
a new church rises up with its own biblical interpretation and traditions.
Though I have a profound appreciation for diversity in culture and traditions,
and I think there is goodness and truth to be gleaned from people everywhere, it
seems that this method of “Here’s a Bible, now make a church” leads to even
more conflicting interpretations and divided congregations. In fact, over
40,000 denominations have formed since the Protestant Reformation 502 years
ago. It seems that churches, like marriages, have a tendency to split apart and start over
instead of working through conflict.
Synthesis of Truth
I noticed over time is that there are Light-bearing elements
of various denominations all harmoniously existing within Catholicism. And as
more people bring their gifts and understandings to the Church, I trust that Catholicism
will grow into an even truer complexity of the ultimate good - like a family that has adopted children from diverse backgrounds. Catholicism has a
beautiful, unifying synthesis in that way. The Catholic Church is a beautiful
choir of sacramental rituals, charismatic prayer services, exorcisms, hymns, contemporary
music, missionary evangelism, theological inclusivism, contemplatives, in-the-world-but-not-of-the-world
brothers and sisters, clergy, laity, explicit sacredness to celibate as well
as married life, and male and female preachers and leaders. And anywhere you go
in the world on any day of the week, mass is being offered in a Catholic
Church, the same Scripture passages are being spoken, with the same creed and
the same prayers to the same God who is understood according to the same tradition.
This, I believe, is the universal Church, the Church that Jesus established,
which He alluded when He told Peter, “on this rock I will build my church.”
Abundance of Life
One aspect of Catholicism that I especially appreciate is their
firm position in support of life. Jesus and His Church are all about promoting
abundant life (John 10:10), and that has particular implications. One aspect of
this pro-life stance means we reject the notion that people should have a right
to take away the life of their baby while it is in the womb. At the moment of
conception, the sperm and egg unite and a unique set of DNA is created, alongside - I believe - a human soul.
Early into my Catholic journey, I attended a March for Life
in Washington, DC. I carpooled with a group of Catholic students from Ball
State University who encouraged me in my journey. And I realized that a vast
amount of the other marchers were also Catholic. The strong pro-life stance is
a doctrine that I highly value about the Roman Catholic Church. And it’s
something that I was frustrated about in United Methodism because they do not
have a firm stance on the matter.
Along with the notion of promoting life, the Catholic Church
places a high value on purposeful sex, recognizing two purposes for sex: to
unite a marriage and to procreate. (For more information on this topic, visit theologyofthebody.net.) Because of those
values, we believe that sexual actions not oriented towards those purposes are
contrary to God’s will. Thus, the Catholic Churches believes that the
sacramental union is meant solely for the context of heterosexual marriage
between one man and one woman. Also, for this reason, masturbation is specifically referred to
as an “intrinsically and gravely disordered action” in Paragraph 2352 of the
Catechism of the Catholic Church.
Whereas, the United Methodist Book of Discipline does not
even allude to masturbation. This lack of clarity and discipleship, I believe,
leads people into sin. On a personal level, that has been my experience. I dealt
with compulsive sexual behavior for eight years, after being told by youth leaders that the Bible was silent regarding
masturbation. However, I believe God bestowed a significant grace on me when I
obediently followed Him into a Catholic church in 2018 and found
freedom from this sinful bondage.
This life-promoting enlightenment was further confirmation
for me that Catholicism was my home.
Gift of Friendship
I’m so grateful that I was not on this journey alone.
Shortly after I expressed my interest in Catholicism to my friend Lucas, he
introduced me to Kristen, who has become a soul-sister for me and a lifeline on
this journey. Kristen is super smart and abundantly gracious. She helped me untangle
my toughest questions, as she had been thinking through the same ones for three
years before she converted to Catholicism from a Lutheran background. She was a
seminary student during her conversion journey as well, and she understood my thirst
for answers.
During my time as a residential student at Asbury Seminary
in Kentucky, I attended Mary Queen of the Holy Rosary, and I participated in
their RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) inquiry group. For 10
months, I brought my questions and concerns to Jeff and Jon Terhune, the fearless, compassionate
leaders of the inquiry group, and they wrestled with me through my (often
tearful) struggle with Roman Catholicism.
There are numerous other meaningful friendships and
interactions which also nurtured me in my journey to Catholicism, and I am
grateful for all of them.
Behold Your Mother
Part of Catholicism that was more difficult for me to embrace
were the beliefs surrounding Mary. Tim Staples’ book Behold Your Mother helped me come to a place of acceptance of the
Marian doctrines from a logical perspective. Tim Staples is a Catholic convert
from a Baptist background who has heavily researched the Marian doctrines. After
reading his book, I could mentally assent to the doctrines, but I did not yet
feel in my heart the urge to jump into Mary’s lap and call her “Mommy.”
My close connection with Mary didn’t come until a
powerful encounter that I had just a few weeks before I joined the Church this
Easter. My dad died suddenly this past fall, and I was processing a wave of
grief on the six month anniversary of his passing. I took some time to myself to cry and seek the Lord. I prayed silently
to God then prayed the Lord’s Prayer. That gave me some comfort, then I felt
God telling me that I needed to be mothered. At that moment, I felt the
presence of Mary with me, and I had a strong desire to pray the rosary for the
first time. I grabbed the rosary beads from my night stand, and as I prayed, I became
quite emotional as I felt united with Mary in a profound way. She taught me
deep insights that spoke to my soul. I realized that Mary grieved more than any
human to ever live, after her son Jesus was killed. If anyone could empathize
with my deep sense of loss, it was Mary. I felt so close to her in my grief,
and I knew I was not alone in my sorrow.
Purgatory
Before my journey with Catholicism, I thought the doctrine
of purgatory was unbiblical rubbish. However, after a bit of research, it made much
more sense to me. And I was able to comprehend purgatory even more after my dad
died.
My seminary taught John Wesley’s perspective, which says
that if a person dies in a state of sin without being entirely sanctified, they
most likely go directly to hell.
My Baptist college taught “once saved, always saved,” so if a
person sincerely repented and believed at some point in their life, their life will
either produce the fruit of that or else they must have never been “saved” to
begin with.
However, Catholicism, once again, made the most sense to me.
You see, my dad was found dead with a crack pipe. And you know what? He LOVED
God. He LOVED people. And he was my best friend.
During my confusion and grief, a couple days after my dad’s
death, God revealed to me a connection between my dad and Moses, assuring me
that my dad would be in the presence of God forever. You see, Moses, who
disobeyed God and was not permitted to enter the Promised Land, still went to
be with God after his death. There is evidence of this because Moses was with
Jesus at the Transfiguration. Moses led the Israelites to the Promised Land, though
he did not enter it himself. My dad led many recovering addicts to the Promised
Land of sobriety, though he did not leave this world in that state himself. Likewise,
though my dad disobeyed God, resisting the grace available to liberate him from
the chains of addiction, I have a firm hope that he is now with the Lord in
heaven.
The Catholic doctrine of purgatory explains how this can be
so. If a believer dies prior to becoming a sinless saint, they must be cleansed
of sin, in a process called purgatory, before entering the presence of God
(because sin cannot comingle with perfect holiness). Granted, life after death
is a bit of a mystery to all of us, even those of us with the Bible and
Catechism at our fingertips. But this makes the most sense to me.
Defending the Faith
Last summer, I attended the Defending the Faith Conference at
Franciscan University in Steubenville, Ohio. Though I left with about as many
questions as I came with, I was grateful for the enlightenment along the way. I
heard from thought-provoking apologists such as Trent Horn (and subsequently
read his book The Case for Catholicism,
which I highly recommend), Scott Hahn (converted Presbyterian seminary
professor and author of numerous books including his keynote speech topic: The Fourth Cup). If you’re on the fence
about Catholicism, want to learn more, or if you’re Catholic and want to have a
deeper understanding of the faith, I highly recommend the Defending the Faith
Conference.
During the past year and a half, while I’ve been on this
journey with Catholicism, I have painfully felt the divisions in the Body of Christ,
especially between Protestants and Catholics. God has burdened my heart with a
passion to cultivate peace. I am learning that true unity is not merely an
empathetic toleration of the “other.” That’s a starting point. But we achieve
true unity only after leaning into conflict, embracing difficult conversations,
compassionately expressing and listening, until we arrive at the same Truth. Jesus
prayed that we may be perfectly one as He is One with the Father (John 17:22). The
kind of unity that Jesus has with the Father is our goal for Christian unity
(and world peace in general). That kind of unity means that we communicate, we
work together, we unconditionally love one another, and we encourage each other
in the Truth. Uniting on that Truth is a paramount aspect of peacemaking. We
need to ramp up our empathetic communication skills in order to have those
difficult conversations successfully because there are heightened emotions tied
to our beliefs. I am excited to see how God uses this vision and passion for
unity as I follow the call to be a peacemaker.
Attending a Methodist Seminary has offered me various
opportunities to exercise peacemaking, especially in my interactions with a
respected professor who left Roman Catholicism as a young man. In his journey
back to the Christian faith, he entered through the doors of United Methodism
after reading sermons from John Wesley. I took three classes with him at Asbury
(Theology of John Wesley, Church History, and Reformation). After reading his interpretation
of Roman Catholicism in his book Roman
But Not Catholic, I also met with him several times outside of class for
passionate debates, always ending our time together in prayer for each other
and for the Body of Christ. I hope that mutually respectful discussions focused
on discerning truth come to characterize Christianity, as I believe that is
pivotal on this pathway to peace.
Plant-based faith
Another passion of mine is veganism. When I began my journey
to the Catholic Church, I had already been vegan two years, eating only plants.
Then, halfway through my journey to becoming Catholic, I began working for a Christian vegan
organization, and I grew more in my compassion for animals and my awareness of
the ongoing atrocities in animal farming. Over time, as my vegan lifestyle has
become more and more motivated by ethical reasons regarding our care and
treatment of animals, I began to wonder why the Church was not more actively
engaged in animal rights advocacy. In contrast, most Catholics I know are quite
animal-heavy in their diet, even considering fish meals on Lenten Fridays as a fast
from animal meat. I wondered what the official teachings of the Catholic Church
had to say on the matter, from a doctrinal perspective. Searching through the
Catechism, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the Church has teachings
that correspond with this burden on my heart. Paragraph 2418 of the Catechism
states, “It is contrary to human dignity to cause animals to suffer or die
needlessly.”
So, the Catechism directs against consuming animals and animal
products if we do not NEED to do so. And science continues to confirm that
eating animal meat, dairy, and eggs is, in fact, unnecessary – not to mention harmful
to the health of our bodies as well as the planet.
Realizing that the Catholic
teachings actually support the vegan lifestyle has encouraged me more in my
faith. I recognize that the Church is continuously undergoing reform, as we all
are in our lives, as the Holy Spirit sanctifies us. I believe that promoting
the welfare of animals is yet another way that the Church can live out our
pro-life identity, bringing an end to the harm and unnecessary killing of the
creatures God gave us to care for. The implications from the Catechism seem
quite clear to me, and I pray that it is just a matter of (short) time before
the Church realigns with God’s plant-based vision for us from the beginning when
He said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth
and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food”
(Genesis 1:29). When we pray in the Lord’s Prayer, “thy kingdom come, thy will
be done, on earth as it is in heaven,” we are praying for death to come to an
end, including the death of animals. Thus, I choose to promote the welfare of
all of God’s creatures, and I feel supported by the Church in this endeavor.
Eat my flesh
The flesh I do consume these days, however, is that of our
Lord in the Eucharist (literally, “Thanksgiving”). And MAN OH MAN I am so
thankful. It fills me with so much joy; I cannot explain it. There is nothing
like it. The Sacraments have been tremendous gifts to me. After over a year waiting
to be Confirmed and receive my First Communion, He did not disappoint. And the
Eucharist has brought me even more joy and life since then. I can only hope the
Sacrament of Marriage has a sliver of the amount of satisfaction I get from the
Eucharist if I get married someday. Confession is a powerful Sacrament as well,
and I am grateful for how it has deepened my vulnerability with the Lord. But I
imagine that my favorite Sacrament will always be the Eucharist. You are what
you eat, they say. May we become like Jesus as He literally lives in us and our
cells become Him.
Miraculous journey
These are just a few snippets of the miraculous journey that
has led me to the Catholic Church. This journey is a continuation as well as a beginning.
The Lord has been at work in me all of my life (and yours too, I trust). Joining
the Church has been a tremendous blessing, and I hope to never take His
abundant grace for granted. This has been a long time in the making – though, in
another sense, I know this is just the start of my journey. I have an exciting
adventure towards holiness ahead of me! The Church is on its own journey as
well, a Bride preparing for her Groom. I look forward to the day when the Body
of Christ is unified and our relationship with God's Creation is restored to an
even more glorious version than pre-Fall Genesis depicted. In the meantime, I
will pursue knowing His heart more deeply, and I will invite others to join me
in the journey. For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are His, now and
forever.
