My Journey to the Catholic Church

If you would have asked me two years ago if I would ever be Catholic, if I were being frank with you, I would have said, “Never in a million years would I join such a nonsensical cult. In fact, I feel sorry for people trapped in such outdated, idolatrous religiosity.” That might sound harsh, but that’s what I honestly thought about the ritual-laden, traditionalistic, patriarchal Roman Catholic Church. Only after acknowledging my resolutely anti-Catholic perspective from two years ago could you begin to fathom the immense miracle that was necessary for me to join their ranks. That miracle is what I will be describing in this reflection. Some miracles occur in a moment, but many – as in this case – are a journey over a period time. 

Methodist Roots

I grew up in the United Methodist Church and have had a relationship with God as far back as I can remember. In May of 2001, at the ripe age of 9, I chose to be Baptized, drawing a line in the sand to firmly declare that my Christian faith was my own. My Baptism was a profound spiritual experience for me, and I fondly cherish that memory.

Over the years of participation in the Methodist Church, my knowledge and love of God grew. During middle school and high school, I was an active member of a thriving youth group, and I attended several retreats and mission trips that especially cultivated my spiritual growth. In high school, I began a daily discipline of spending time with the Lord and reading Scripture. By the time I got to college, my faith had taken deep roots, which grew even deeper as I sought out mentorship, attended chapel services, and pursued a minor in the Bible. A few years later, I chose to attend a Methodist seminary in preparation for international church planting. My heart was thoroughly Christian, and I was grateful for the Methodist tradition. 

Enter, Online Dating

Once I had been accepted at the seminary and had plans to quit my corporate job in Indiana, I thought it might be a timely endeavor to open more doors to romantic possibilities, since I intended to enter the mission field in a couple years and thought it might be God’s plan for me to marry before embarking on that journey. So I got on a dating app, looking for fine, Christian men. And of course I found one who lived a mere 7 hours away from me. But I nearly didn’t respond to any of his messages - not because of the distance but because the religious preference on his profile blared a giant red flag in my mind: “Catholic.” I conceded to talking with him because his faith seemed quite sincere. He took his faith so seriously that he had actually spent a year discerning with Franciscan Friars (translation for non-Catholics: he spent a year sleeping on a wooden floor, praying 4 hours per day, begging barefoot for food, trying to decide if he would like to live the rest of his life like that, in celibate service to Jesus Christ). After a couple weeks, I knew that our different beliefs would be a huge hurdle. I was convinced that I needed to convert him to Protestantism or else our relationship would never work out. As we talked more, we determined that it wouldn’t make sense for God to lead us to conflicting understandings of truth because Truth is from God. And He is not characterized by confusion. So we reasoned that if we were both humbly seeking after God, He would lead us to the same Truth. I had so much respect for his reverence for the Lord and his prayerfulness, but Catholicism still didn’t click for me. Though, admittedly, it was starting to make more and more sense in ways that quite humbled me as I researched it and prayed about it. The moments that the Catholic research made sense were intensely emotional and humbling, as it required me to undergo a thorough deconstruction of my faith. This Catholic man and I talked long distance for a month or so, and even met up once, ultimately deciding to just be friends. After we went our separate ways, I was left with a huge identity crisis and a lot of unanswered questions about Catholicism. Despite my confusion and doubts, I was so thankful for God's presence with me on the journey.

Catholic School Girls

That brief relationship was not my first tango with Catholicism. In fact, despite being raised in a Protestant household, I had attended a Catholic high school (because my mom was a math teacher there). I took the religion classes, attended the masses, and even tried out Confession once to see what it was like. However, all of the “Catholic stuff” seemed unnecessary to me. Why complicate the gospel? Why cause division from Protestants by refusing them Communion? Why confess to a priest when you can go directly to God? And why give so much authority to the Pope when we are an equal “priesthood of all believers”? I developed a lot of arguments against the Catholic Church during my time there. And one of the biggest turnoffs for me regarding Catholicism was the apparent superficiality of several of the Catholics around me. If that’s what Catholicism looks like, I reasoned, I was better off elsewhere.

Sola Scriptura

I chose to attend a Baptist-affiliated university for my undergrad, as it was a nearby Bible-centric school with a highly ranked engineering program. They taught a version of Sola Scriptura (“Scripture alone”) that limited women from teaching men from the Bible or preaching. Since my beloved pastor from the Methodist church of my youth was a woman, I took offense at this. “How dare they interpret Scripture in a way that bars women from the pulpit?” From their perspective, however, they would say, “How dare a woman disobey the Word of God by preaching?” But I believed (and still do) that my pastor was called by God to preach. I am so grateful for female preachers and teachers in the church, and I affirm their calling and spiritual giftings. So, the Baptist stance against female preachers was something that consistently irked me. It especially bothered me that sacred Scripture was quoted to support such a position, despite the tradition of female leadership and preaching in the early church that is documented in the New Testament. (I wrote a whole speech on this for a class my freshman year if you would like to hear more.) Looking back, it is ironic to me how various mainline denominations cite the Protestant tenant “Sola Scriptura” to defend contrasting interpretations on this topic of female leadership.

Patriarchy

Because of my strong stance supporting women in ministry, I had significant walls up against the Catholic Church due to this issue as well, since women are not allowed to be ordained as Catholic priests. 

However, when I learned why Catholics only ordain men, I found it was not for the same reasons as Baptists. For Catholics, it has more to do with tradition of the sacrament of holy orders, the maleness of Jesus and the 12 apostles, and the beliefs about role of the priest.

Catholics, unlike Baptists, acknowledge that there are women who are gifted leaders and preachers, and they encourage them in pursuing avenues that utilize those giftings for the benefit of the Church and the world. If you have never heard Sister Miriam James (Twitter: @onegroovynun), get on it! You will be blessed. In fact, there is an entire order – the Dominicans – which focus on teaching and preaching - comprised of men and women, ordained as well as laity, designed to organize people to train and exercise such spiritual gifts. 

When I reflected on the vast differences between men and women, it made sense that God made us for different roles. However, we are equals, and these roles are harmonious. And I believe God desires for us to be free to cultivate all of our spiritual giftings within the Church – for His glory! The Catholic Church is a beautiful home to exercise these gifts.

Women naturally crave the safety and freedom that comes from the protection and leadership of a loving, trustworthy man. That’s why it makes sense that Paul says that men are the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church (Eph. 5:23). The marriage relationship is an example of the spiritual relationship between Christ and the Church. Male priesthood makes sense with this understanding as well. Submission – in the context of a loving, trusting man who is designed to lead – brings harmony and promotes freedom to exercise spiritual giftings under the protection of the male headship.

The teachings of the Catholic Church have brought harmony on the issue of gender roles, in my mind. If you are interested in reading more about the role of women in the Catholic Church, I recommend reading “On the Dignity and Vocation of Women: Mulieris Dignitatem,” by Pope John Paul II.

Mission-Driven

I have felt called to be a missionary for the past seven years. I chose to finish my engineering degree first then work in the corporate world for a few years to pay off college loans and gain experience. When it was finally time to pursue the mission field, I did a lot of research to find a suitable organization to partner with, filled out the lengthy application, completed multiple phone interviews, prepared a psychological assessment, deposited several hundred dollars, and blocked out a week on my calendar to meet with the organization at their headquarters for an orientation. By the time I arrived, I had already gotten to know my new Catholic friend and had too many doubts in my mind about Protestant Christianity to be able to commit to a partnership with the missions organization. 

During the months leading up to my orientation, I had taken a course called Perspectives on the World Christian Movement which helped me understand the history and complexity of worldwide Christianity. The course also prompted me to ponder the best direction forward regarding global missions. One aspect of missions that particularly troubled me was the vast array of divided denominations, all evangelizing in the same areas, causing seekers to question the validity of the objective Truth claims of Christianity. Imagine if you had never heard about Jesus, then you are given ten different options of Christian churches to attend. You wonder, if they are all Christian, why do they need to worship in separate buildings? The more you ask questions, you learn that all ten churches have conflicting interpretations of the Bible, and they are all so passionate about their differing perspectives that they choose to separate themselves from each other. That would probably leave you wondering, how do you know who to believe or what is right? And, if Christianity is the Truth, which one of these options of churches is most aligned with that Truth? And why would God want to bring confusion in this way? The suggestion offered by the Perspectives course, as well as the missions organization I was considering joining, is to provide the Bible in the native languages of the people group being evangelized then pray for an indigenous movement by the Holy Spirit in which a new church rises up with its own biblical interpretation and traditions. Though I have a profound appreciation for diversity in culture and traditions, and I think there is goodness and truth to be gleaned from people everywhere, it seems that this method of “Here’s a Bible, now make a church” leads to even more conflicting interpretations and divided congregations. In fact, over 40,000 denominations have formed since the Protestant Reformation 502 years ago. It seems that churches, like marriages, have a tendency to split apart and start over instead of working through conflict.

Synthesis of Truth

I noticed over time is that there are Light-bearing elements of various denominations all harmoniously existing within Catholicism. And as more people bring their gifts and understandings to the Church, I trust that Catholicism will grow into an even truer complexity of the ultimate good - like a family that has adopted children from diverse backgrounds. Catholicism has a beautiful, unifying synthesis in that way. The Catholic Church is a beautiful choir of sacramental rituals, charismatic prayer services, exorcisms, hymns, contemporary music, missionary evangelism, theological inclusivism, contemplatives, in-the-world-but-not-of-the-world brothers and sisters, clergy, laity, explicit sacredness to celibate as well as married life, and male and female preachers and leaders. And anywhere you go in the world on any day of the week, mass is being offered in a Catholic Church, the same Scripture passages are being spoken, with the same creed and the same prayers to the same God who is understood according to the same tradition. This, I believe, is the universal Church, the Church that Jesus established, which He alluded when He told Peter, “on this rock I will build my church.” 

Abundance of Life

One aspect of Catholicism that I especially appreciate is their firm position in support of life. Jesus and His Church are all about promoting abundant life (John 10:10), and that has particular implications. One aspect of this pro-life stance means we reject the notion that people should have a right to take away the life of their baby while it is in the womb. At the moment of conception, the sperm and egg unite and a unique set of DNA is created, alongside - I believe - a human soul. 

Early into my Catholic journey, I attended a March for Life in Washington, DC. I carpooled with a group of Catholic students from Ball State University who encouraged me in my journey. And I realized that a vast amount of the other marchers were also Catholic. The strong pro-life stance is a doctrine that I highly value about the Roman Catholic Church. And it’s something that I was frustrated about in United Methodism because they do not have a firm stance on the matter. 

Along with the notion of promoting life, the Catholic Church places a high value on purposeful sex, recognizing two purposes for sex: to unite a marriage and to procreate. (For more information on this topic, visit theologyofthebody.net.) Because of those values, we believe that sexual actions not oriented towards those purposes are contrary to God’s will. Thus, the Catholic Churches believes that the sacramental union is meant solely for the context of heterosexual marriage between one man and one woman. Also, for this reason, masturbation is specifically referred to as an “intrinsically and gravely disordered action” in Paragraph 2352 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

Whereas, the United Methodist Book of Discipline does not even allude to masturbation. This lack of clarity and discipleship, I believe, leads people into sin. On a personal level, that has been my experience. I dealt with compulsive sexual behavior for eight years, after being told by youth leaders that the Bible was silent regarding masturbation. However, I believe God bestowed a significant grace on me when I obediently followed Him into a Catholic church in 2018 and found freedom from this sinful bondage.

This life-promoting enlightenment was further confirmation for me that Catholicism was my home.

Gift of Friendship

I’m so grateful that I was not on this journey alone. Shortly after I expressed my interest in Catholicism to my friend Lucas, he introduced me to Kristen, who has become a soul-sister for me and a lifeline on this journey. Kristen is super smart and abundantly gracious. She helped me untangle my toughest questions, as she had been thinking through the same ones for three years before she converted to Catholicism from a Lutheran background. She was a seminary student during her conversion journey as well, and she understood my thirst for answers.

During my time as a residential student at Asbury Seminary in Kentucky, I attended Mary Queen of the Holy Rosary, and I participated in their RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) inquiry group. For 10 months, I brought my questions and concerns to Jeff and Jon Terhune, the fearless, compassionate leaders of the inquiry group, and they wrestled with me through my (often tearful) struggle with Roman Catholicism.

There are numerous other meaningful friendships and interactions which also nurtured me in my journey to Catholicism, and I am grateful for all of them.

Behold Your Mother

Part of Catholicism that was more difficult for me to embrace were the beliefs surrounding Mary. Tim Staples’ book Behold Your Mother helped me come to a place of acceptance of the Marian doctrines from a logical perspective. Tim Staples is a Catholic convert from a Baptist background who has heavily researched the Marian doctrines. After reading his book, I could mentally assent to the doctrines, but I did not yet feel in my heart the urge to jump into Mary’s lap and call her “Mommy.” 

My close connection with Mary didn’t come until a powerful encounter that I had just a few weeks before I joined the Church this Easter. My dad died suddenly this past fall, and I was processing a wave of grief on the six month anniversary of his passing. I took some time to myself to cry and seek the Lord. I prayed silently to God then prayed the Lord’s Prayer. That gave me some comfort, then I felt God telling me that I needed to be mothered. At that moment, I felt the presence of Mary with me, and I had a strong desire to pray the rosary for the first time. I grabbed the rosary beads from my night stand, and as I prayed, I became quite emotional as I felt united with Mary in a profound way. She taught me deep insights that spoke to my soul. I realized that Mary grieved more than any human to ever live, after her son Jesus was killed. If anyone could empathize with my deep sense of loss, it was Mary. I felt so close to her in my grief, and I knew I was not alone in my sorrow.

Purgatory

Before my journey with Catholicism, I thought the doctrine of purgatory was unbiblical rubbish. However, after a bit of research, it made much more sense to me. And I was able to comprehend purgatory even more after my dad died.

My seminary taught John Wesley’s perspective, which says that if a person dies in a state of sin without being entirely sanctified, they most likely go directly to hell.

My Baptist college taught “once saved, always saved,” so if a person sincerely repented and believed at some point in their life, their life will either produce the fruit of that or else they must have never been “saved” to begin with.

However, Catholicism, once again, made the most sense to me. You see, my dad was found dead with a crack pipe. And you know what? He LOVED God. He LOVED people. And he was my best friend. 

During my confusion and grief, a couple days after my dad’s death, God revealed to me a connection between my dad and Moses, assuring me that my dad would be in the presence of God forever. You see, Moses, who disobeyed God and was not permitted to enter the Promised Land, still went to be with God after his death. There is evidence of this because Moses was with Jesus at the Transfiguration. Moses led the Israelites to the Promised Land, though he did not enter it himself. My dad led many recovering addicts to the Promised Land of sobriety, though he did not leave this world in that state himself. Likewise, though my dad disobeyed God, resisting the grace available to liberate him from the chains of addiction, I have a firm hope that he is now with the Lord in heaven. 

The Catholic doctrine of purgatory explains how this can be so. If a believer dies prior to becoming a sinless saint, they must be cleansed of sin, in a process called purgatory, before entering the presence of God (because sin cannot comingle with perfect holiness). Granted, life after death is a bit of a mystery to all of us, even those of us with the Bible and Catechism at our fingertips. But this makes the most sense to me.

Defending the Faith

Last summer, I attended the Defending the Faith Conference at Franciscan University in Steubenville, Ohio. Though I left with about as many questions as I came with, I was grateful for the enlightenment along the way. I heard from thought-provoking apologists such as Trent Horn (and subsequently read his book The Case for Catholicism, which I highly recommend), Scott Hahn (converted Presbyterian seminary professor and author of numerous books including his keynote speech topic: The Fourth Cup). If you’re on the fence about Catholicism, want to learn more, or if you’re Catholic and want to have a deeper understanding of the faith, I highly recommend the Defending the Faith Conference.

During the past year and a half, while I’ve been on this journey with Catholicism, I have painfully felt the divisions in the Body of Christ, especially between Protestants and Catholics. God has burdened my heart with a passion to cultivate peace. I am learning that true unity is not merely an empathetic toleration of the “other.” That’s a starting point. But we achieve true unity only after leaning into conflict, embracing difficult conversations, compassionately expressing and listening, until we arrive at the same Truth. Jesus prayed that we may be perfectly one as He is One with the Father (John 17:22). The kind of unity that Jesus has with the Father is our goal for Christian unity (and world peace in general). That kind of unity means that we communicate, we work together, we unconditionally love one another, and we encourage each other in the Truth. Uniting on that Truth is a paramount aspect of peacemaking. We need to ramp up our empathetic communication skills in order to have those difficult conversations successfully because there are heightened emotions tied to our beliefs. I am excited to see how God uses this vision and passion for unity as I follow the call to be a peacemaker.

Attending a Methodist Seminary has offered me various opportunities to exercise peacemaking, especially in my interactions with a respected professor who left Roman Catholicism as a young man. In his journey back to the Christian faith, he entered through the doors of United Methodism after reading sermons from John Wesley. I took three classes with him at Asbury (Theology of John Wesley, Church History, and Reformation). After reading his interpretation of Roman Catholicism in his book Roman But Not Catholic, I also met with him several times outside of class for passionate debates, always ending our time together in prayer for each other and for the Body of Christ. I hope that mutually respectful discussions focused on discerning truth come to characterize Christianity, as I believe that is pivotal on this pathway to peace.

Plant-based faith

Another passion of mine is veganism. When I began my journey to the Catholic Church, I had already been vegan two years, eating only plants. Then, halfway through my journey to becoming Catholic, I began working for a Christian vegan organization, and I grew more in my compassion for animals and my awareness of the ongoing atrocities in animal farming. Over time, as my vegan lifestyle has become more and more motivated by ethical reasons regarding our care and treatment of animals, I began to wonder why the Church was not more actively engaged in animal rights advocacy. In contrast, most Catholics I know are quite animal-heavy in their diet, even considering fish meals on Lenten Fridays as a fast from animal meat. I wondered what the official teachings of the Catholic Church had to say on the matter, from a doctrinal perspective. Searching through the Catechism, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the Church has teachings that correspond with this burden on my heart. Paragraph 2418 of the Catechism states, “It is contrary to human dignity to cause animals to suffer or die needlessly.” 

So, the Catechism directs against consuming animals and animal products if we do not NEED to do so. And science continues to confirm that eating animal meat, dairy, and eggs is, in fact, unnecessary – not to mention harmful to the health of our bodies as well as the planet. 

Realizing that the Catholic teachings actually support the vegan lifestyle has encouraged me more in my faith. I recognize that the Church is continuously undergoing reform, as we all are in our lives, as the Holy Spirit sanctifies us. I believe that promoting the welfare of animals is yet another way that the Church can live out our pro-life identity, bringing an end to the harm and unnecessary killing of the creatures God gave us to care for. The implications from the Catechism seem quite clear to me, and I pray that it is just a matter of (short) time before the Church realigns with God’s plant-based vision for us from the beginning when He said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food” (Genesis 1:29). When we pray in the Lord’s Prayer, “thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven,” we are praying for death to come to an end, including the death of animals. Thus, I choose to promote the welfare of all of God’s creatures, and I feel supported by the Church in this endeavor.

Eat my flesh

The flesh I do consume these days, however, is that of our Lord in the Eucharist (literally, “Thanksgiving”). And MAN OH MAN I am so thankful. It fills me with so much joy; I cannot explain it. There is nothing like it. The Sacraments have been tremendous gifts to me. After over a year waiting to be Confirmed and receive my First Communion, He did not disappoint. And the Eucharist has brought me even more joy and life since then. I can only hope the Sacrament of Marriage has a sliver of the amount of satisfaction I get from the Eucharist if I get married someday. Confession is a powerful Sacrament as well, and I am grateful for how it has deepened my vulnerability with the Lord. But I imagine that my favorite Sacrament will always be the Eucharist. You are what you eat, they say. May we become like Jesus as He literally lives in us and our cells become Him. 

Miraculous journey

These are just a few snippets of the miraculous journey that has led me to the Catholic Church. This journey is a continuation as well as a beginning. The Lord has been at work in me all of my life (and yours too, I trust). Joining the Church has been a tremendous blessing, and I hope to never take His abundant grace for granted. This has been a long time in the making – though, in another sense, I know this is just the start of my journey. I have an exciting adventure towards holiness ahead of me! The Church is on its own journey as well, a Bride preparing for her Groom. I look forward to the day when the Body of Christ is unified and our relationship with God's Creation is restored to an even more glorious version than pre-Fall Genesis depicted. In the meantime, I will pursue knowing His heart more deeply, and I will invite others to join me in the journey. For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are His, now and forever. 

You Are Not Your Own

Today I found my socks sitting on someone else's boots. These are not just any socks. These are socks that I specifically made a trip to Target for to replace my trusty boot socks that got holes in them soon after my arrival in Hawaii. They are an expensive pair of high quality, comfy, gray, breathable, mid-calf boot socks. I was so happy to get then, especially since I don't have a car, so trips to Target are hard to come by.
Now, here at the Kanekiki community, we do communal laundry. After the laundry is done, the loads - filled with a mixture of many people's belongings - are folded and placed in an "unclaimed laundry" bin, labeled as such in order to beckon the rightful owners to claim what belongs to them.
A few weeks ago, after putting in all the effort and $20 to intentionally get to Target and buy these socks, they went missing after their first wash.
And now they have finally reappeared... atop someone else's boots. It turns out, that "someone" misunderstood the meaning of the "unclaimed laundry" bin, thinking it was a free-for-all bin and that, just because they hadn't yet been claimed, there was no rightful owner to the socks, so she could take them and call them hers.
I just woke up in the middle of the night with an epiphany: So many people have this same misunderstanding about sex! Just because someone is single and "unclaimed" doesn't mean they are up for grabs to anyone. There is someone that belongs with them (ultimately God, but probably also an earthly spouse). Sex is not meant to be a free-for-all bin. If you are "unclaimed" AKA unmarried right now, it doesn't mean just anyone has the right to swoop you up from the bin. Your sexual intimacy, if God intends for you to unleash it, is meant for your spouse.
Don't go snagging people out of the "unclaimed" bin and taking sacred things that belong to someone else.
And if you are "unclaimed," save yourself for the person you rightfully belong with, not just anyone who wants you.
And if you think you're ready for sex, but you aren't ready for the naming and claiming of a marital commitment, check yourself. Don't take what belongs to someone else. And don't consent to something you don't have the authority to give away.
You are the dearly beloved of the Most High... Don't sell yourself short. Wait for the one who belongs with you, searches for you, prioritizes you, respects you, sacrifices for you, intentionally chooses you, pursues you, waits for you, commits to you, cares for you, and loves you with a love that reflects the One who loves you most. And don't let anyone else claim you. You are sacred. Your body is a sacred temple. Sex is sacred - a physical representation of a spiritual covenant.
Sex is like a fire. If you let it run wild, it will burn your house down. But within the fireplace it belongs in, it can be beautiful and purposeful.
The wait is worth it. Stand firm.

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is I  you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." - 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Daddy Diary - February 13, 2019

I just woke up. It’s 3AM. I had a dream that didn’t make sense, to the point that it woke me up. I dreamt that the whole time I’ve been in Hawaii I hadn’t talked to my dad and that I couldn’t remember the last time I talked to him, and neither could my sisters, and it felt so horribly off that it woke me up. Then it took me a minute of panicky pondering “Why in the world have I not talked to my best friend?!” to remember that he is actually dead. And for a moment, that reality felt even more wrong. Then immediately I was grateful that life kind of made sense again and that I had a good excuse for not talking to him for 5 months. Then I immediately felt guilty for being grateful that my dad was dead. It still feels so wrong that he’s not here (but in some ways he is here, and I feel that) that I’ve been sobbing and dripping snot the whole time I’ve been writing this.

Essentially, I dreamt that my dad wasn’t dead. And I woke up and he was, and it stunned me and made me sad. I will share with you more about the dream, but first, I will share this interlude:

I just took a break to pee outside by an orange tree (I’m living off grid in Hawaii, in case you weren’t aware of that). On the ground, by the light of my headlamp, I found an orange that looked fresh and new and promising, and I turned it over, revealing that it had been attacked by bugs and was obviously decomposing. That’s kind of what I felt like waking up from this dream: hopeful then sad. But worse. Because my dad – my best friend – is dead.

This is what happened.

I had a dream that I published a book, and it sold really well because I was the only author with my name, so everyone remembered it. (It’s a dream, don’t question it. Also, ironically, I’m named after my dad Jonathan, who has one of the most common names, and mine has been forgotten more than the average because it is more unique: Jonnah.) Then my dream shifted to what my dad has been doing. I dreamt that he had published a book too. I don’t know what mine was about, but his was about machine tolerances and had published several editions, and I was SOOO proud of him – though I wished he would also publish a book about his addiction recovery. And I dreamt that he was a travelling speaker, going to St. Ursula Academy in Cincinnati, OH (where I went to high school) among other places, to speak about machining. And I was so incredibly proud, yet I was also wondering how he was doing in his sobriety and if the reason for him not to be travelling around talking about addiction was because he wasn’t doing well in that regard? Though I mostly determined that his recent successes wouldn’t be possible if he was letting his shadow side win.

As I write this, I’m reminded that there’s no addiction in heaven, and that brings me joy.

So then in the dream, I felt the need to connect with him, wanting so badly to tell him I was so proud of him and that I loved him. And I talked to my sisters, and they didn’t know anything about his recent accomplishments, and it felt wrong to me that I was the one to tell them this news… Why hadn’t we heard it from him? Why hadn’t we talked to him in so long that we didn’t know where he was or what he was doing?

I HAD to talk to my dad, but I had no way to communicate with him, and it felt so wrong. Had I talked to him since I had been in Hawaii? I couldn’t remember doing so. Wait, how long have I been in Hawaii? And why haven’t I talked to my best friend? And when was the last time we talked? I couldn’t remember. And it felt so incomputable that I woke up from the dream, as if my brain wasn’t able to stay in the matrix because the story didn’t make sense. So I woke up, only to realize that my dad was dead, which pierced my heart like a sword.

Then for a while, I laid there, crying and pondering the dream, and wanting to be with my dad so badly. I had to tell him I was proud of him and I loved him! And then he came to me in a sense, reminding me he is still with me, and gave me a comforting big bear hug. And I continued pondering the dream and started writing this.

Why did I think he needed to hear so badly that I was proud of him? I knew that, for much of his adult life, he dealt with insecurity about his job, that he didn’t go to college and worked a blue collar position pressing buttons for 35 years. He had expressed to my sisters and me that he didn’t feel like he was who he wanted to be: someone we could be proud of. I had told him that was a huge lie and that I was super proud of him and that I didn’t care what job he had – he was my dad, and that’s all that mattered to me!

(Now I’m wondering if he’s currently tolerancing the heavenly mansion, instructing the newcomers, and writing books about machining. Do they do that in heaven?)

So why did I feel the deep need to tell him I was proud of him and that I loved him? You know, he was always good at telling us that he was so proud of us (me and my sisters) and that he loved us. And it’s interesting to me that the ways we express love are typically the same modes we need to receive in order to feel loved as well, which made me think that he needed to hear: “I’m proud of you and I love you.”

I trust that God is making all things right. I get the sense that machining (or whatever form that takes in heaven) now brings my dad immense joy, and that everything in his reality brings him joy. And all of his speaking skills he developed from giving “leads” at AA meetings are being put to good use. And all of his writing skills are being used for the kingdom in some way too, though he’s not here to write letters to my sisters and I anymore, like he used to.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I remember getting a long love letter from my dad one Valentine’s Day, along with a box of chocolates, communicating to me the abundance of love from my parents and the even greater love flowing from my heavenly Father. It is agape love – unconditional and permeating, a love that fills all the gaps in my heart and quenches all of my thirsts for codependent attention from men, for butter pecan ice cream, and for slothful mornings in front of the T.V. It’s a love that invigorates my soul, empowering me to provide the healing that those around me are just as desperate for.

My new friend Lila from our Kanekiki fruit farm community in Hawaii just drove away to fly back to North Carolina to be with her mom during the last few months of her pregnancy. Reminded of the love I’ve received, I passed some onto her before she left. “I love you! I’m proud of you! You are going to do great!”

Today, though I miss my Dad’s presence, I’m grateful that he’s still with me in a different way and that my Heavenly Daddy is too. And so is all the love.

Daddy, I love you and I’m so proud of you! Thank you for your love. And thank you for pointing me to the ultimate source of love: our Heavenly Father. May this love be on earth as it is in heaven. Amen

How 2018 Scarred Me For Life

Well, another year has gone by, and my goal of becoming Tim Tebow's wife is yet unfulfilled, and he is now dating Miss Universe. But it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway because he loves bacon, and I prefer pigs to stay alive.

Instead of entering into any romantic relationship, I spent all of 2018 getting to know God and myself on an all new level.

He freed me from an addiction that had plagued me for 8 years!!

As God led me through challenges and out of my comfort zone, my true identity became more clear and I learned to trust more in the Lord.

I moved from Indiana to Kentucky, from engineer to theologian. During this year at seminary, I was mentored, counseled, befriended, and loved. I gardened, prophecied, danced, discipled, and read a lot of books.

I dealt with anxiety, loneliness, and grief.

By teaching high schoolers about leadership, I learned more for myself about what it means to lead.

I hiked the Grand Canyon, worked at a Mexican restaurant, hammocked among the trees, and questioned Truth.

I volunteered at my first Woodstock Fruit Festival and left forever changed, with amazing friends, a fresh perspective, and a commitment to a year of raw vegan life.

I began my job as an online promoter for All Creatures - a Christian vegan organization which aligns so well with my values. (all-creatures.org)

All of a sudden, my dad died, and I embarked on the most difficult journey that I am still on. The Lord is continuing to mend my broken heart on this healing journey.

And now the Lord is leading me to a new place, on another adventure. I have said yes to follow Him to Hawaii, where I expect this great journey of enlightenment to continue even brighter.

I will be vlogging about my experiences and exploring what the Lord puts on my heart. Subscribe to my YouTube channel (below) if you want to keep up with my video updates. Mahalo (thanks)

--> Jonnah's YouTube Channel <--

2018 has left some permanent scars, though I believe I have been changed for the better. Stay tuned.

Aloha

Hello family, friends, and whoever else happens to read this,

I hope this finds you well. Merry Christmas!

I have some super exciting news to update you with: THE LORD HAS CALLED ME TO HAWAII!

How did this happen?

               Well, the Lord works in mysterious ways. It’s hard to put it into words, but so many (SO MANY) wonderful things converged, and God has told me that now is the time to go, and that’s where He wants me. If you want more details, feel free to contact me personally.

Will I still be finishing seminary?

               Yes, I plan to finish school online from Hawaii. I am switching degree programs from Intercultural Studies to Ministry so that I can finish online, but I will still be taking many of the same classes and can still take intercultural classes as electives or independent study. Honestly, I’m stoked about switching to the Masters in Ministry program because I wanted to take a preaching class anyway, and I think these classes will give me a great holistic preparation for what I believe God is leading me to.

What will I be doing in Hawaii?

               I have accepted a position for a work trade on the Big Island where I will work a few hours each day on a fruit farm in exchange for free living space. I’m very excited to be going to the area of Pahoa and serving in a hippie vegan community. I will be nearby a local church that I intend to get involved in right away as well. There is a lot of service work to be done to help the hundreds of people who have been displaced due to the recent volcanic eruption, so hopefully I can get involved with that. 

What am I looking forward to?

               Honestly, I’m super stoked about the sunshine. Though I never expected to be called to the tropical paradise of Hawaii, I’m not complaining. This is a huge blessing, and God is showing me how He knows me and wants to provide for me. He knows that I hate being cold and that the lack of sun in the winter is detrimental to my health. I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to serve Him on this adventure in the sun. 

Any prayer concerns?

               Please be in prayer for my transition there. Building relationships will probably flow really naturally there in general, as the culture where I am going is very open and authentic. However, since many people just go to Hawaii for a year or so and come back, the residents have come to expect the transitory nature of people who come to the island, so they are not always as willing to invest time and energy to relationships with people they expect will also just leave. It is also very important to me that I enter into life-giving Christian fellowship upon arrival, so please pray for that manifestation with my church community there. 

Please bless me by letting me know how I can pray for you as well.

In Christ’s love, ALOHA!!!

Seeking to Understand: Roman Catholic Indulgences

Why Discuss Indulgences?

I think my secondary calling in life is to be a bridge-builder, a peacemaker beckoning people into unity with God and each other. (My primary calling is to dwell in the love of God and love him in return with all of my heart and soul and mind and strength.) Thus, my motivation for writing this piece is to awaken people to see from the perspective of “the other,” to stir the waters and start a conversation so that we can seek Truth together – leading us to unity and deeper knowledge of God and one another. That said, I know that this topic is controversial… that’s partially why I’m fascinated by it. I think it’s important to seek to understand the things that separate us, not just sweep them under the rug and aim for a superficial sense of unity. Peacemaking necessarily involves leaning into tough discussions, not shying away from conflict. Will you lean in with me as we seek Truth together? I hope to get a dialogue going about many topics, but first let’s see how this one goes. In your responses, please keep the goal of unity in mind and remember that our Heavenly Daddy wants all his kiddos to be respectful and love each other. Okay, so, indulgences…

Since a lot of people are not well educated about indulgences, I will first offer some description and history about them before we dive into the juicy aspects – the Protestant objections, how I have come to be open to indulgences as spiritually beneficial, and proposed next steps towards unity in light of this divisive issue. I invite you to read this with an open mind, and try to withhold any objections to the end.

Defining Indulgences

To start off, let’s look at the official definition of an indulgence from the Roman Catholic Catechism:

“An indulgence is a remission before God of the temporal punishment due to sins whose guilt has already been forgiven, which the faithful Christian who is duly disposed gains under certain prescribed conditions through the action of the Church which, as the minister of redemption, dispenses and applies with authority the treasury of the satisfactions of Christ and the saints.”

If you’re still scratching your head over what this means and how this works, you are not alone. But let me try to hash this out better for you.

Here’s an example to simplify the description, borrowed from my friend and mentor Jeff Terhune. Imagine that you are playing baseball in the yard and you accidentally hit the baseball through your neighbor’s window. You go to your neighbor and apologize, and they heartily forgive you. That’s like Jesus forgiving the guilt of our sins. However, is the window still broken? Yes. God made human nature such that we must fix the window to make everything right. That still broken window demands  temporal punishment as a consequence due to the sin. Thus, an indulgence could be understood as fixing the broken window.

This concept is closely linked with penance / repentance, which is the active turning away from sin back to God, thus replacing our bad choices with good ones.

Indulgences can be obtained for yourself or on behalf of someone who has passed away. (Calm yourself, Protestants… count to 10 and read to the end.)

There are two types of indulgences. First, partial indulgences will bring freedom from a portion of the consequences of your sins which have not been fully repented from. Second, plenary indulgences are full indulgences that completely absolve all of the consequences of the sins. We will dive into more detail later, but I want to first give you this excerpt from the Catechism regarding plenary indulgences: “A conversion which proceeds from a fervent charity can attain the complete purification of the sinner in such a way that no punishment would remain.” And that’s ultimately what it comes down to – the power of a change of heart.

Before we explore the Scriptural support for indulgences, let me give you one more example to illustrate this concept. Let’s say a man habitually gives into the sin of gluttony, which leads to him having diabetes. Though he may ask Jesus for forgiveness for his sin of gluttony, and he can be forgiven (taking away the guilt – THANK YOU JESUS), he still has diabetes. The diabetes is a temporal punishment. However, charitable acts are a type of indulgence. He can choose to do the charitable act of refusing to eat meat or dairy products, no longer fueling the factory farm industry. Not to go into a vegan tirade here, if you watch the food documentary Forks Over Knives, you can learn how abstaining from animal products has cured many people from type 2 diabetes. Thus, it is possible to remit  temporal punishment for  sin (ex. diabetes) due to your good works / indulgences.

Scriptural Support

Now that you know what an indulgence is, you may be wondering, what does the Bible have to say about this? I have collected a list of some of the Scriptural support for the systematic theology pertaining to indulgences. I’ve dispersed several verses throughout this post and listed more at the end for further pondering.

You can read the list below, which gives insight into related notions such as the authority of the Church to ascribe such indulgences, the importance of living holy lives, the impact of our prayers on others, the value of suffering in the purification of sin (AKA purgatory…Protestants: breathe, count, continue), etc.

First, the Church is understood in Scripture to have the authority to ascribe indulgences because Jesus told Peter in Mt. 16:19, “I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven. Whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven.”

Also, we are called to press on to holiness during this life. Paul says in Phil. 3:12, “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me.”

Cleansing from sin is necessary. Zech. 13:1 says, “On that day there shall be a fountain opened for the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem to cleanse them from sin and uncleanness.”

This cleansing (where we get the idea of purgatory) seems to be what this passage is referring to: “In the whole land, says the Lord, two thirds shall be cut off and perish, and one third shall be left alive. And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call on my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ‘They are my people’; and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’” - Zech. 13:8-9.

We have a role to play in this purification. Dan. 12:10 says, “Many shall purify themselves, and make themselves white, and be refined; but the wicked shall do wickedly; and none of the wicked shall understand; but those who are wise shall understand.”

What you don’t see in Scripture is any direct teaching specifically mentioning the word “indulgences.” But the ideas are there… read on.

History of Indulgences

You may be wondering, how did the understanding of indulgences come about in history?

Though the official doctrine regarding indulgences didn’t surface until the Council of Trent (in response to Reformers protesting the abuses of indulgences), there is quite a long history pertaining to indulgences prior to that.

We know from 2 Maccabees that Jews throughout history have had similar practices, though they didn’t use the language of indulgences. They prayed for the dead and sacrificed on the behalf of those who died. To this day, all Jews and orthodox Christians pray for the dead (part of the Communion of Saints), out of spiritual solidarity, petitioning that their merits be applied to others (Protestants, calm down – I hear you growling).

There is considerable reason to believe that indulgences were a part of the life of the early Church, due to the testimony of several historical documents. Some main supporting quotes are below, and several more are listed at the end of this post.

222 A.D. - Tertullian - “[N]ow you are ascribing this power [of granting indulgences] even to your dear martyrs. As soon as someone of his own accord has taken on the fetters...at once the adulterers are swarming about…[and] prayers are humming in the air... Men and women crowd [them]...beg for [their] blessing...and return from there as [restored to] the community.” (On Modesty Chapter 22)

And (250 A.D.): “[W]hen some of the lapsed…[demanded] the peace that had been promised to them by the martyrs and confessors...I wrote twice to the clergy...[that] if any who had received a certificate [of indulgence] from the martyrs were departing from this life, having made confession, and received the imposition of hands on them for repentance, they should be remitted to the Lord with the peace promised them by the martyrs.” (Letter 14 or 20 Paragraph 3)

251 A.D. - St. Cyprian - “...Certainly we believe that the merits of the martyrs and the works of the just will be of great avail with the Judge...” (The Lapsed, 17)

314 A.D. - Council of Ancyra - “[T]he bishops have the right, after considering the character of [a sinner's] conversion, either to deal with them more leniently, or to extend the time [of penance]. But, first of all, let their life before and since be thoroughly examined, and let the indulgence be determined accordingly.” (Canon 5)

~390 A.D. - St. Ambrose - “For he is purged as if by certain works of the whole people, and is washed in the tears of the multitude; by the prayers and tears of the multitude he is redeemed from sin, and is cleansed in the inner man. For Christ granted to His Church that one should be redeemed through all, just as His Church was found worthy of the coming of the Lord Jesus so that all might be redeemed through one.” (Penance, 1, 15, 80)

740 A.D. - St. Egbert of York - “For him who can comply with what the penitential prescribes, well and good; for him who cannot, we give counsel of God's mercy. Instead of one day on bread and water let him sing fifty psalms on his knees or seventy psalms without genuflecting. But if he does not know the psalms and cannot fast, let him, instead of one year on bread and water, give twenty-six solidi in alms, fast till [3:00 pm] on one day of each week and till Vespers on another, and in the three Lents bestow in alms half of what he receives.” (Penitential Chapter 13 Canon 11)

1095 A.D. - The Council of Clermont - “Whoever, out of pure devotion and not for the purpose of gaining honor or money, shall go to Jerusalem to liberate the Church of God, let that journey be counted in lieu of all penance.” (Canon 2)

Granted, by the time Martin Luther came on scene in the 16th century, there were some questionable practices regarding indulgences. For instance, Rome was in debt from the construction of St. Peter’s cathedral, so Johann Tetzel was hired to preach that people could be granted indulgences if they donated money to the Church. Those ignorant of how grace works got confused into thinking they were “buying” forgiveness for sins, which would be a form of simony (the name derives from Simon the Gnostic who tried to buy the power of the Apostles and was admonished for it - see Acts 8:18-23) – a condemned practice. Over time, it was (perhaps jokingly) understood that when a coin clangs in the coffer, a soul springs out of purgatory into heaven. That practice of indulgences sparked Martin Luther to pursue reforming the Church, as delineated in his 95 Theses.

Current Roman Catholic Understanding

To be honest, not much has changed in the doctrine of indulgences, only that it was further explained more carefully thanks to the Council of Trent in response to the Protestant Reformers. This is the way most doctrine has been deepened in understanding over 2 millenia. One noteworthy prohibition following the Reformation is that almsgiving was prohibited from being attached to future official proclamations of indulgences, so that God’s grace wouldn’t be confused with simony.

Catholics continue to understand indulgences as temporal satisfaction for sin, whether partial or plenary. To obtain a plenary (full) indulgence, more goes along with that:

1.      Be completely detached from all sin

2.      Pray for the pope

3.      Go to confession

4.      Receive communion

5.      (All of the above in addition to) the indulgence itself:

a.      Act of service

b.      Pilgrimage

c.      Fasting

d.      Prayer

I feel like I need to say something about salvation here. So I will. [Note: this explanation is borrowed from Peter D. Williams from his debate against James White June 4, 2018] Christ is the sole meritorious cause of salvation. ONLY Christ merits something. You can’t earn grace but you must cooperate with it. Christ’s payment of the justice demanded by our sin is sufficient, but not efficient.  We make it efficient by our cooperation. There are instrumental causes, however, by which we access what Christ has done for us. This can be understood as Christ paying our water bill (meritorious cause), but we still need to turn the shower knob (instrumental cause). Eternal punishment for our sins was taken care of on the cross, but our temporal punishment remains to be cleansed through sanctification / purgation. You can be forgiven for committing adultery, but you still have an STD. (A note about physical healings: I believe in the miraculous healing power of God to heal STDs. However, if you die with an STD doesn’t mean you don’t go to heaven. But you can rightfully trust that God will restore your body from the STD – and any other physical ailments – before you enter the pearly gates. That’s part of why I jive with the idea of purgatory.)

I advise you to keep an open mind about purgatory. Purgatory, according to Peter D. Williams, is open to various understandings, as Scripture doesn’t spell it out. Perhaps it is a present reality that is a part of the process of sanctification during this life, though it is traditionally understood as an intermediate reality between death and heaven that some people endure if they haven’t been entirely sanctified yet. However, since God is outside of time, who’s to say that purgatory is not instantaneous or even that it is realized during this life? We know that only perfection can exist in the presence of God. In His great love and mercy, He allows those of us who love Him but are not in a perfect state of Grace on our death to still attain that state of perfection after our death.

Pope John Paul II spoke about purgatory in 1999 as a “condition of existence” for purification, rather than a place. The focus of purgatory is not about a location but rather a process.

It’s important to remember that God is the only one with ultimate authority. We can pray all we want to apply indulgences to those being purified so that they go to heaven, but God is the only one with that ultimate authority. So don’t get a God-complex over this.

To further understand purgatory, I like this quote from Jerry Walls: “[God] is good in the moral sense that he hates our evil, and demands our purity, but he is also good in the sense that he loves us and desires our happiness and true flourishing, which can only be complete when we are perfected in holiness. This reminds us one more time that purgatory, properly understood, is not an alternative to grace, but is itself an expression of grace” (Purgatory, 181).

Our sanctification often involves suffering. Our sufferings can be intentional (such as fasting, sacrificing of our resources, caring for others, teaching Truth to others, etc.) or unintentional (being mistreated by others, enduring physical pain or illness, etc.) but they can all be offered up to the Lord as prayer, bringing us further into His holy presence by His grace through our sanctification. Heb. 12:10-11 says, “God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening – it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.” Indulgences are a piece of this sanctifying discipline by which God’s grace is available through the Church, should we choose to cooperate with His grace.

The authority to declare indulgences was given to the Church via the keys of the kingdom mentioned in Matthew 16:18, ensuring that what the Church “binds” and “looses” on earth is actually God’s will. (I wrote another paper about this if you’re interested, which goes into more of the inductive interpretation of Scripture.)

The Protestant Objections

Aren’t indulgences a commodification of grace? You can’t do things to earn grace.

-        I agree. You can’t do things to EARN grace. But we can do things to connect with God, thus accessing His grace by cooperating with it, which affects our lives in amazing ways. For instance, we can pray, be truly sorry for our sins, and we can get involved in His work in the world. And from Scripture as well as experience, we know that we encounter His grace this way and that it has profound impacts.

Jesus’ death on the cross is sufficient for all, and the Church is adding barriers from that freedom, undermining grace. Shouldn’t we just pray for forgiveness and let that be that?

-        Jesus’ sacrifice IS sufficient but it is NOT efficient. Otherwise, everyone would go to Heaven regardless of their choice to love or hate God. Because of His sacrifice, we are equipped by the Spirit to live ABUNDANT lives (John 10:10). That means, if we have committed sin – for example, punching someone in the face – Jesus not only forgives us but also empowers us to make things right, doing good works such as praying and seeking peace in how we live such that the temporal consequences can be absolved, and it is possible to no longer be tempted by our flesh to punch people in the face. Increased temptation that is a result of giving into temptation is a temporal consequence of sin. Prayer is an example of an indulgence which can help us combat temptation to sin, resulting over time in less and less temptation and potentially freedom from temptation.

Who gives the Church the authority to say what an indulgence is?

-        Jesus (see above)

How can our actions affect the spiritual state of others? Doesn’t that negate their own free will?

-        Our actions can positively or negatively affect the spiritual state of others. For example, words are incredibly powerful. You have certainly heard words that have brought you down spiritually and hopefully more that have encouraged you spiritually. Also, consider your life as a small child. Did you make your own meals? Probably not. Probably, your parents or someone else prepared food for you – or else you wouldn’t have eaten. Similarly, we can help others along on their spiritual paths (by God’s grace). This is done through discipleship / mentoring, participation in the Body of Christ so that it continues on for future generations, and prayer (including prayer for those who have passed away). It was the faith of the men who brought the paraplegic to Jesus that He credited with the reason for his healing (Jesus saw their faith. So he said to the man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” - Mark 2:5).

Why are the indulgences applied by the “authority the treasury of the satisfactions of Christ and the saints”? Isn’t Christ’s sacrifice on the cross enough?

-        The fact is, everything good we do is God’s grace flowing through us, so the actions of the saints (including their prayers) are actually belonging to Christ, and this line from the Catechism should be understood as such. All glory to God. All merit from Christ.

This is too legalistic.

-        I AGREE. It can very easily get swept up into a pit of rubbish rules and legalism – IF YOU LET IT (Ex. Feeling burdened by the need to pray for at least 30 minutes, go to confession within 2 days of my good work, etc.) You are in control here regarding your attitude. You can CHOOSE to see these things as opportunities (I “get” to talk to God vs. I “have” to talk to God). Let the Spirit lead you… you don’t HAVE to do any of this. But are you feeling led to pray? Are you feeling nudged to confess of your sin? And don’t you think that serving the poor and doing these other things will lead you closer to God and away from your sinful nature? Hmm… perhaps there is something to all this after all 😊

My main question in response to the Protestant objections is this: Aren’t you limiting God by saying that He is not capable of working through us in this way? Further questions flow from that main one… Isn’t God greater than sin? Isn’t God not bound by time? Isn’t God not bound by death? Doesn’t Jesus give authority to his disciples and say that they will do even greater things than he did?

Is your mind opened? Or are you just looking for ways to put a gold star on what you already believe?

Prayer as a Way of Life

If you haven’t noticed from this post so far, I am leaning more on the side of supporting indulgences. But it’s been a journey. To be honest, it wasn’t until a few months ago that I even knew that the Roman Catholic Church still spoke the language of indulgences. I thought all of that lingo had been eradicated thanks to Martin Luther. Turns out, I was wrong. Also, it turns out, Father Luther may have been mistaken in his understanding of indulgences as well.

The best way that I have found to synthesize all of this is in one word: prayer. I think that all of life can be summarized by prayer. I have come to understand that everything we do, think, and say have implications in our spiritual lives. We can worship ourselves or we can worship God. We can love our neighbor or we can separate ourselves from “them” – whoever “them” is. Everything flowing out from us is communicating a prayer. Some people’s prayers speak “leave me alone” or “gimme gimme gimme.” But I think our lives are meant to pray “I love you” and “Father, forgive them.” And that is how I have come to dip my toes in the water of indulgences, and more broadly the Roman Catholic Church.

Our acts of charity are actually more fully understood as acts of prayer, or acts of worship.

Salvation is not a momentary get-out-of-jail free card. Rather, when we humbly accept Christ’s forgiveness for our sins (justification), it is the beginning of a relationship fueled by prayer. Prayer is the connection of our minds and hearts to God as we listen and speak with him, soaking in his love and taking on his perspective. In the Christian life, in everything we do, we are meant to pray without ceasing. Our never-ending prayer is the fuel behind every action we do. Our actions can be prayers that we perform with our body, which help us to know God and worship him as we serve his creation.

And what we do consequently affects others… we need to get rid of our individualistic mentality and see others as part of the same connected humanity who are impacted by who we are and what we do. This passage from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount helped me conceptualize how we affect the spiritual state of other people, which can pertain to the idea of praying for those in purgatory:

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca’ [an Aramaic term of contempt] is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother: then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:21-24)

If your brother is mad at you, he is in danger of hell and judgment. In response, you are called to go and reconcile with him (as a higher priority than your church responsibilities). By doing the good work of pursuing reconciliation / peacemaking with others, we can help to free them from hell and judgment. (An aside to those questioning the goodness of the Judeo-Christian God: please notice that God’s desire, more than any penny in the Church offering plate, is that humanity be reconciled with one another and freed from the bondage of sin and its consequences.)

As we connect with God more, we detach from our sinful nature more. One of the temporal effects of our past sins is that we are tempted to sin in the same way in the future. However, the more we connect with God, we are tempted to sin less… thus, we see the temporal effects of our sins diminished by our works. This is how indulgences work. I have experienced this in my own life and have been freed from the enslavement of addiction – PRAISE GOD!

Anything good that we do or experience is an outflowing of God’s grace. It is not of ourselves – we cannot boast! It is actually only in humility that we can cooperate with these acts of God’s grace.

For the Sake of Unity

This issue of indulgences is currently something that is dividing the Body of Christ. ß Take this seriously. Is this worth the separation? Consider, would you divorce your spouse over this issue? Breaking up the Body of Christ is as grievous as divorce in my opinion. What are your thoughts?

For those exploring the Christian faith, how do you respond to these insights? Do you jive with the notion of life as a prayer?

Other verses and quotes to sit with and ponder…

Isaiah 22:22 “And I will place on his shoulder the key of the house of David; he shall open, and none shall shut; and he shall shut, and none shall open.”

Jn. 20:23 “If you forgive anyone’s sins, they are forgiven. If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”

Prov. 17:3 “The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and the Lord tries hearts.”

1 Cor. 3:10-15 “According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and another man is building upon it. Let each man take care how he builds upon it. For no other foundation can any one lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if any one builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— each man’s work will become manifest; for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work which any man has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If any man’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.”

~57 A.D. - St. Paul - “For such a one this punishment by the majority is enough...you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him...I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. … What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ.” (2 Corinthians 2:5-10)

~197 A.D. - Tertullian - “Some, not able to find this peace in the Church, have been used to seek it from the imprisoned martyrs. And so you [imprisoned Christians] ought to have it dwelling with you, and to cherish it, and to guard it, that you may be able perhaps to bestow it upon others.” (Ad Martyras Chapter 1)

250 A.D. - St. Cyprian - “[A]ccording to your diligence...designate those by name to whom you desire that peace should be granted. For I hear that certificates [of indulgence] are [too freely] given.” (Letter 10 or 15 Paragraph 4)

314 A.D. - Council of Arles - “Concerning those who carry letters from the confessors, be it resolved that, when they have handed over those letters, they receive other letters of reference.” (Canon 10 or 9)

325 A.D. - The First Ecumenical Council - “[Some sinners], after they have passed the space of three years as hearers, [must] be for ten years prostrators. But in all these cases it is necessary to examine well into their purpose and what their repentance appears to be like. For as many as give evidence of their conversions by deeds...when they have fulfilled their appointed time as hearers, may properly communicate in prayers; and after that the bishop may determine yet more favourably concerning them.” (Canon 12)

379 A.D. - St. Basil - “We do not judge [a penance] altogether by the length of time, but by the circumstances of the penance.” (Canonical Epistle to Amphilochius Canon 84)

380 A.D. - St. Gregory of Nyssa - “[F]ornicators [should] be three years wholly ejected from prayer...and [after an additional six year period] admitted [back] to communion; but the [additional six years] may be lessened to them who of their own accord confess, and are earnest penitents.” (Canonical Epistle to Letojus Canon 4)

~650 A.D. - St. Cummian writes a book about penance in which he lists several ways a penance can be shortened. Among them, he notes that “twelve three-day periods” of penance can be “the equivalent of a year” of penance. He says that a penitent can shorten his penance if he spends “one hundred days with half a loaf and an allowance of dry bread and water and salt, [and] sing[s] fifty psalms during each night.” Or, the penitent can do “fifty special fasts, with one night intervening.” (Penitential Chapter VIII Canons 25-28)

~679 A.D. - St. Theodore of Tarsus - “Penitents according to the canons ought not to communicate before the conclusion of the penance; we, however, out of pity give permission after a year or six months.” (Penitential Chapter 12 Canon 4)

807 A.D. - According to the Catholic Encyclopedia article on indulgences, an Irish Synod of this year said that the fast of the second day of the week may be “redeemed” by singing one psalter or by giving one denarius to a poor person. (Canon 24)

References

•        Catechism of the Catholic Church: Revised in Accordance with the Official Latin Text Promulgated by Pope John Paul II. Libreria Editrice Vaticana, 1994.

•        Horn, Trent. Case for Catholicism: Answers to Classic and Contemporary Protestant Objections. Ignatius Press, 2017.

•        Walls, Jerry L. Purgatory: the Logic of Total Transformation. Oxford University Press, 2012.

•        “History & Apologetics.” The Doctrine of Indulgences in the Early Church, www.historyandapologetics.com/2015/02/the-doctrine-of-indulgences-in-early.html.

•        Debate: “Do Indulgences Deny the Gospel?” James White vs. Peter D. Williams. June 4, 2018. All Saints Church, Belfast, Ireland. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0f95nvmfVs&t=86s